


Talk to me

by Aquajax



Series: Lapidot Human AU's [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Jaspis, Crystal gems are a GSA, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, PTSD, Self-Harm, lapidot - Freeform, rebellious lapis, sarcastic lapis, teachers pet peridot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-06-24 06:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquajax/pseuds/Aquajax
Summary: Peridot is a short, blonde, overexuberant, self-proclaimed, loser and nerd. But she doesn't need friends, or her basically non-existent family, all she needs is her textbooks and her school work.Lapis is the quiet yet quick-witted new girl, in all her blue haired, tanned skinned glory, with a past she wants to forget. She could care less about relationships, she just wanted to graduate and get out.The only thing they really had in common is that being alone, isolated, and ignored was the norm.So what do they do when another person actually talks to them?





	1. The new girl in town

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Something Vivid](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4941790) by [inamorata_universe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamorata_universe/pseuds/inamorata_universe). 
  * Inspired by [Curtain in 5, 4. . .](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9812636) by [KingRiles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingRiles/pseuds/KingRiles). 



> I made two moodboards for this work! One for lapis and one for peridot. 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BmQGkfNho8CibcbTwXIT5OfQhn8yIF209gj2VE0/?taken-by=aquajax__

"Does anyone know the equation for the quadratic formula?" Ms. Diamonds authoritative voice filled the classroom full of students attempting to wake up fully as the early morning grey clouds displayed themselves in the window. For most students, Math with Ms. Diamond first thing in the morning is nothing short of the worst part of the day. But Peridot didn't mind. She quite enjoyed this class, seeing as math was a breeze for her. Peridot sprung her hand up instantly, sporting a proud grin and looking directly at her tall teacher, decked out in an intimidating mustard yellow blazer.

"...Someone besides Peridot..." She sighed. Peridot let out a defeated whimper before slumping back in her chair to take more notes as two others raised their hands.

As Ms. Diamond called on a student in the back row, the classrooms door was pushed open to reveal a tall, embarrassed looking, blue haired girl with sun-tanned skin and little dark freckles dancing across her blush-red cheeks. She was sporting a plain grey zip up hoodie, slim, dark blue denim jeans, and cyan blue high-top converse.

"Uhm- hi, is this Mr..." She looked down nervously at her piece of paper in her hands. "Universe's classroom?" Her voice made peridot think of a peaceful day on the beach, though it was also strained and anxious sounding.

"Two doors down, to the right, room 2113." Ms. Diamond directed the girl, sounding annoyed. "Are you the new student? Lapis Lazuli?"

Something like panic flashed briefly through the tall girls Caramel, hazel eyes.

"Mhm. I am." She nodded, distant, obviously not enjoying the twenty-seven eyes all fixed on her.

Peridot decided that Lapis was a pretty name.

"Well it's good to meet you. Like I said, room 2113 is what you're looking for."

She mumbled something Peridot couldn't hear, probably a thank you while making haste out the door. But not before Peridot made eye contact with the new girl deemed "Lapis".

For the briefest of moments, hazel eyes met emerald, and then as fast as she came, the mysterious Lapis was gone, the door shutting closed and Ms. Diamond going on with her lecture about quadratic formula.

But Yellows lecture was fading more and more out of the blondes mind as the only thing she could think was:

Who was that Lapis girl?

And why was she so pretty?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lapis Held on to her backpack straps for dear life, her knuckles white. Bobbing and weaving in and out of people and through annoying groups of friends clumped in the middle of the hall. She had just gotten out of her 5th period class, which was hell, to say the least.

Mr. Dewey had stood up in class and announced that they had a new student.

"Everyone, this is Lapis! She is a new student at our school, and she's come all the way from..." He had pointed to Lapis expectantly.

"I'd rather not say." She stated bluntly.

She was now on her way to what she thought was the counseling office. She didn't know why she had to go there, but she went anyways.

Lapis opened the door to the office with a silent prayer that this wasn't the wrong room, to find a tall, dark-skinned woman with chrome glasses and a big, frizzy Afro.

"Hello, Lapis. I'm Garnet." Her English accent was smooth as melted leather. Her face would be almost void of emotion if it weren't for the small smirk that managed to get its way through the façade the counselor was displaying.

"What are you smirking at?" Lapis asked.

"You look mind-numbingly nervous." The counselor chuckled. "Come, sit down Lapis." She gestured to the chair in front of her desk filled with framed pictures of students with pride flags brandished on their backs, or in their hands.

"Who's on your desk?" Lapis asked before the words got trapped in her throat.

"Those are the crystal gems. The schools GSA. I'm one of the staff that helps run it." Garnet replied, pride leaking through her monotone voice.

"Oh." Lapis said plainly.

"But anyways, I called you here because you're new. This school can be daunting at times and judging by the fact that you walked in here looking as nervous as an actor with stage-fright, I going to assume that you've already discovered that for yourself."

"You can say that again..." Lapis mumbled into her hand.

"Well I'm here to tell you you're not alone. You've always got me, although I know I'm a complete stranger right now, you better get used to me, because you're scheduled to come here once a week for the next 4. You can choose when during the week."

"Uhm- well, thank you Ms. Garnet."

"Just Garnet is fine." She stated simply.

"Okay. Garnet. Yeah. I can do that."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door that made Lapis jump, while Garnet stayed completely still. "Come in Peridot."

The door opened and in came a short, pale skinned, blonde with green, round glasses, a plain grey shirt with a lime green and black striped flannel tied round her light blue jeans, holding a messenger bag and a few textbooks. The first thing Lapis took notice of once she spun her chair around was her eyes. Her big, dazzling, emerald green eyes, which seemed to be filled with suprise.

That's the girl from the classroom I stepped into... Lapis thought inwardly.

"Lapis, meet Peridot. She will be showing you around the school after sixth period ends. Have you two met?"

Lapis was the first to speak. "Mhm, I think we saw eachother in 1rst period?"

"Yeah, when you walked into our classroom on accident..." Peridot replied.

"I'm not a morning person you know."

Peridot grinned at Lapis' well timed remark when the bell rang for sixth period to start. "I'll write you both late slips." Garnet consoled when both girls scrambled to gather their things.

They walked out of the counselors office side by side.

"I'll uh... I'll meet you back here after class?" Peridot offered. "Sorry I don't do much talking to people, I'm a nerd."

Lapis laughed off her self-deprecating remark. "It's alright, I don't do much talking either. I'll see you later so you can... well, I dunno, show me the ropes I guess."

"Yeah- yeah I'll see you around."

 

 

 


	2. The new girl in town

Peridot tapped her feet and played with her spiked up blonde hair. 

_Is lapis even coming?_

_She doesn't have to... Well- no. Theoretically, she has to. But she seems like the rebellious type..._

_What if she didn't like me at all? Did I make a good first impression? Most likely not, I was a disheavaled mess! My textbooks weren't even inside my bag!_

_Glancing at her in Ms. Diamonds classroom likely didn't bode well either! I shouldn't have--!_

She was snapped out of her anxious thoughts by the sound of footsteps in the hall way. She looked to her left and saw the bluenette. 

"Lapis!" Peridot jumped. She then looked up at her, mildly Star-struck. "You're really here..." 

"Hey." She said with a smile. "I kinda have to be if I wanna know how to survive here, right?"

"...Well, it's not as if **I** would know how to. I'm the schools token teachers pet, straight A student! How would I begin to know about the social scene here, I don't even have any friends!" 

"Hey, Peridot, calm your tits. You're just showing me around." She said with a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Okay. My stress levels are stable." Peridot sighed. Lapis laughed, removing her hand from Peridots shoulder to run through her silky blue hair. The loss of the warmth on Peridots shoulder nearly made her whimper.

"--You sound like a robot." She grinned. "I think I like you." 

Lapis came to a realization. 

_She's kinda cute when she's flustered..._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

 They both had no idea how to talk. The only thing Peridot could do was name off different places in the high school, and all Lapis could do was ask questions.

Lapis became more quiet after Peridot had pointed out the building for the indoor pool, but Peridot assumed it was because she didn't know what to say so she disregarded it.

Eventually, Peridot had taken her all across the school in 36 minutes. 

"I try to make everything I do as efficient as humanly possible, and that includes showing you around the school." She stated matter-of-factly. "I Apologize though. Th--That I can't... Give any insight on the social scene here. Me being the nerd and all."

Lapis brushed it off. "It's alright. It's not like I'm coming here planning to make friends. I just wanna graduate and bolt." 

Peridot mustered a question that wasn't about school. "...Where would you want to go?"

Lapis pondered for a while, sitting down on a bench in the school courtyard. Peridot plopped down next to her and pulled out a text book to start reading. She had gotten past a paragraph when the bluenettes voice dragged her eyes up to her. 

"...Somewhere where no one knows my name." She spoke softly. "I came here for that, but-- teachers ruined that for me already."

Peridot was left to ponder this after she and Lapis said their goodbyes. 

When Peridot got home, she frantically searched for her recorder.

"Journal update number four-hundred and fifty-two." She started.

"There's a new girl at the school. Her name is Lapis Lazuli. With crazy blue hair and dark brown eyes. The school counselor and GSA leader Garnet had ME of all people give her a tour around the school! She told me she liked me! No one at this school has _ever_ told me that they like who I am! It's obvious that I already feel some kind of attraction towards this mystery girl, but that's just it! A girl! I don't know what to do with myself right now..." Peridot let go of the red button and flopped onto her bed, breathing a long sigh.

She had to evaluate these feelings, soon. 

Maybe she's attracted to Lapis because of her hair. Or, her freckle-dotted tanned skin. Or her eyes. 

 _No!_ That was creepy.

Maybe it was the fact that Lapis liked her as a person. _But it's only been a day!_ Peridots anxiety whispered.

_How could someone such as her possibly take a liking to me that quick? What do I have to offer?!_

Maybe this was just how friends feel about eachother. _This is how a platonic relationship is, right_?

But then even that reassurance led to more anxiety. _Someone wants to be friends with me! I haven't had friends since I lost my leg!_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Lapis flopped onto her bed with a huff and ran her hands through her disheveled hair, reviewing everything that had happened on her first day. 

No one knowing her name was out of the question. Fine. She could work with that. 

But then there was that blonde nerd that showed her around the school. Peridot. 

From the looks of how flustered she was, she was obviously not used to talking to people.

As if Lapis was either. 

But something about her had this odd charm. And Lapis wanted to see where this was going.

She decided she would attempt to talk to her tomorrow. Maybe get her number too. She could fare with having one friend this school year.

Images flashed in her head of those _insane emerald green eyes_ , and she hoped that this could become a friendship that she could count on.

 

 


	3. Those who matter

Lapis threw on a black Nirvana T-Shirt, the closest pair of jeans she could find, and zipped up a navy blue hoodie before writing down her phone number on a sticky note and shoving it in her pocket. Scrubbing the remains of sleep from her eyes, She swooped a few granola bars from her barren kitchen, (Her family and her had only just moved in) and checked her appearance in the mirror before slinging her grey back pack over both her shoulders, shoving her feet into her cyan blue converse, and heading out the door. 

As she walked to school, the cold morning air nipped at her jaw and made her lips freeze, probably painting her cheeks a rosy red as well. She was just beginning to lose herself in stepping in between the cracks in the sidewalk when a familiar voice made its way into her ears. 

"Lapis? Do you walk to school this way too?" 

Lapis jumped. " _Gah!_ Shit, You scared me Perrr..." Lapis nearly lost her breath.

"Lapis? Is everything all right? You look awfully Flustered." 

Peridot looked _fucking gorgeous_ all confused like that.She sported an oversized green and black sweater that hid her hands _,_ baggy light blue jeans and a pair of lime green Doc Martins. Her hair was spiked neatly up, but some rebellious strands of golden blonde hair still fell on her rosy cheeks and green glasses that surrounded her bright green, piercing eyes. It all seemed so silly but it seemed to fit so _well_ on the short blonde. 

For the first time in what felt like forever, Lapis truly had absolutely no idea what to say. She couldn't think of a sarcastic comment, a snarky remark, or even a hello! All she could do to slow down her furious heart was stare down at the blonde. A couple more moments passed before Peridot asked again more pressing this time; "Are you okay?" 

Lapis attempted to regain herself by shaking her bangs about. "I-uh, yeah, I'm okay. Just got a little scared. You startled me." 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't intend to." Peridot offered. 

"No, no it's okay." 

They walked in silence for a minute or two before Lapis addressed the elephant in the room. 

"It's nice to know you take the same route to school as me. Do you live around here?"

"Apparently, since we both are taking the same route."

"Right." Lapis breathed.

There was more tense silence only filled by the sound of cars and footsteps.

"Doyouwantmynumber?!" Lapis blurted before they got to the crosswalk that led to the schools entrance, springing up as she said it,her hair bouncing upwards, as if suprised that she got the words out. Her were cheeks heating up despite the cold.

Peridot stopped dead in her tracks. 

"Y'know, so we can talk and text outside of school." 

Peridot tried to find words, eventually letting out a "Uhm- uh... Yeah that would be great! I'll pull out my phone right now." 

"Oh, actually I have it on paper, here." Lapis held out the crumpled sticky note to Peridot, who took it and accidentally grazed their hands together for a split second. Both girls retracted their hands hoping the other didn't notice.

Once Lapis was comfortably seated in Mr. Universe's 1rst period video production, her mind wandered off, shutting out Mr. Universes lecture. 

_Okay, fine. She's cute. So what? Why does that matter? You just came to a new highschool, and you're **already**  getting attracted to someone. This was not the plan... Why did You get so flustered back there anyways? You were acting like some lovestruck teen! Okay the teen part is true, but You are  **not** lovestruck. All she did was look nice! It's not like she planned some outfit for me or something! We've known eachother for a day now! Probably spent at most 45 minutes together. _

Suddenly she felt the presence of someone behind her. 

"Lapis? Everyone has already started on their work, and you're over here pulling your hair out." Mr. Universes concerned voice rang through her ears. 

"Oh! Yeah, sorry, I'll get started right away." Lapis recovered.

"Do you want to see the guidance counselor? You looked pretty stressed." 

"I'll be okay Mr. Universe." 

"Suit yourself, and get to work!" He smiled, beginning to walk away from the computer.

"Wait, can you help me? I wasn't exactly listening." 

"Sure thing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot was going to her monthly grade check up with Garnet after school. There was virtually no point in them, Garnet trusted that peridot always had straight A's, and Peridot trusted herself to keep them. So they usually spent the half an hour talking about anything that came up. Peridot _hated_ Garnet. Not really, but she was so goddamn quick witted and thoughtful that it angered Peridot, as she could never come up with anything to say back to her besides incoherent stuttering as Garnet just smirked. It was like she knew _everything._

The blonde opened the door but found no one in the office, so she assumed she would be here soon and sat down, placing her messenger bag on the desk. 

For the trillionth time today, she took the sticky note out of her pocket to stare at the numbers written on the sticky note by Lapis herself. 

_206-634-4372_

Peridot was mostly in shock. Confused on what to say when she got in contact with her, but someone gave her their phone number! She still couldn't believe it! 

"For starters," Garnet walked in smirking. "--Start by asking how Lapis' day was." 

"I swear you have FBI agents watching me 24/7." Peridot groaned, frantically stuffing the sticky note in her pocket.

"I might..." The dark-skinned woman replied, sitting on her chair behind her desk.

"Ughh..." 

"-So Peridot, how are your grades doing?" 

The blonde raised an eyebrow at that.

"I'm having a laugh. I'm fully aware you've got straight A's. Is there anything on your mind?"

Peridot pondered wether she should tell Garnet about Lapis. 

"Well..." She started. "...I guess what's on my mind is Lapis. You know I've never had any friends at this school. A--And I've always been okay with that, I've held my own being the schools token short, blonde nerd." Peridot sighed.

"But I've been around Lapis For maybe 45 minutes, and it already feels like she's changing everything! And it's putting a lot of pressure on me! I don't know how to have a friend, or talk to people about anything but school or PC gaming! And I want to be around her more, but I don't know how to without being a huge clod and fucking everything up!" Peridot left out the fact that Lapis was really, really pretty.

Garnet took a moment to ponder. 

"First of all, language." The counselor spoke. 

"Sorry." 

"I think you're overthinking this. You already know how to talk to people. And maybe you feel pressured to put on a mask of confidence and always know what you're saying around Lapis because she's so admirable to you. But I'm telling you Peridot, and look at me for this one-" Garnet caught the blonde spacing out and took off her Chrome glasses, revealing her red and blue heterochromatic eyes. 

"Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind, don't matter," She looked at Peridot expectantly. 

"And those who matter don't mind..." Peridot finished reluctantly.

"Good. Now go. I've got some Gay teenagers to deal with." 

 


	4. Hymn for the weekend

It had been two weeks since Lapis and Peridot met eachother. Lapis' Weekly meetings with Garnet were going well, although awkward at first, And Peridot had worked up the courage to text Lapis. 

**[Peridot]: Hi Lapis, how was your day?**

**[Lapis]: hjklijtj my classes suck, I'm glad I'm getting new ones after winter break when the new semester starts**

**[Peridot]: I don't really know what to say to that.**

**[Lapis]: That's okay, why don't we start with basic questions**

**[Peridot]: What's your favorite color?**

**[Lapis]: Peridot...**

**[Peridot]: Yes of course, I apologize.**

**[Lapis]: Do you listen to music?**

**[Peridot]: Who doesn't?**

**[Peridot]: What style of music do you listen to?**

**[Lapis]: 70s and 80s rock, anything by Rex Orange County or Cavetown, any song with a ukelele**

**[Peridot]: I appreciate electronically made music, as well as 21 Pilots.**

**[Lapis]: SKSKSKSKS Me too Peridot!!!!**

**[Peridot]: I'm glad we share the same taste in emo bands!**

In the short span of two weeks, Peridot and Lapis had become inseparable. They both found it odd that the two could become this close in two weeks, but they had already adapted to eachother and it felt like something was missing when they weren't around the other. 

Peridot walked to Lapis' house with the sunset displayed on the horizon. Although there was a bit of a nervous hole in her stomach, as she had never been inside anybody's house but her own, she was excited! She would get to see what Lapis' room looked like! She hoped her outfit was good enough, while she would never get rid of baggy jeans because of her prosthetic, she wore a plain black v-neck t-shirt, a dark green rain jacket and lime green and grey tennis shoes. 

She reached Lapis' front porch and took a deep breath before ringing the door bell. 

A couple moments later, the door opened to reveal a disheveled Lapis, wearing a Grey, longsleeved athletic shirt and blue, slim sweat pants, with frizzy blue hair that went all over the place. She looked amazing.

But despite her seemingly depressive clothing, she had a warm grin that made Peridot's heart jump. 

"Hey nerd." She jeered, stepping to the side to let Peridot in. 

They both shuffled up the stairs to Lapis' room, Peridot looking down as she walked as the bluenettes butt was right in her line of sight.

Lapis opened the door to her room and Peridot was immediately hit with the smell of _Sharpies and vanilla?_

It was such an odd combination, but for some reason Peridot loved it. She felt right at home.

"Sorry about the mess, your room is probably clean to the square inch." Lapis remarked. 

"No, it's perfectly fine. I'm envious that you aren't forced to have your room well-kept." Peridot consoled. 

Lapis' room was fairly sized. Small, but not claustrophobic. The walls were painted a gorgeous jet-black, and blue Christmas lights were strung up where the walls and the ceiling met. Her twin-sized bed sat in the middle of her room, pushed against the wall next to her dark, oak wood dresser. A desk was set up in the corner of the room, housing a mac laptop and untouched sheets of paper. The wall on the left side of her desk had numerous pictures of palm trees, flowers and cinematic beaches. The biggest picture of them all was a framed picture of Lapis on a surfboard, riding a wave three times the size of her like it was nothing. Even her face looked calm and composed. On the right side of the desk was said surfboard, lying horizontally on the wall.

"It's not super impressive... We've only just moved in so I haven't had much time to set up my room." The bluenette studied. 

Peridot brushed off Lapis' self-deprecating remark. "Lapis, I love your room! Truthfully, it looks really nice!"

"One thing I do like about it is the the window opens up to a small porch." 

"Can I see?" Peridot asked, childlike curiosity showing in her emerald eyes.

Lapis giggled a sweet, high-pitched giggle that made Peridots cheeks heat up. "Yeah, of course you can."

They both sat down on opposite ends of the tiny porch, Lapis sitting cross-legged and Peridot with her knees tucked into her chest. 

"Lapis... Are you from Hawaii?" Peridot asked.

"How could you tell?" The bluenette replied sarcastically. "I was on my highschool swim team in Honolulu. I Played water polo with friends all the time..." There was now a tint of sadness in her eyes, illuminated by the dim porch light. "I was a surfer too, I was genuinely thinking of going pro, but I don't really do any of that anymore." 

"Why'd you stop?" Peridot pressed hesitantly.

"Peridot..." Lapis sighed. "Whatever we've had between us in these past two weeks has been really enjoyable." She started. "It's like something I never knew I wanted when I came here. And all you've done is be honest with me, so I'm gonna be honest about this too." She took a deep breath. "There are things I'm just... not ready to talk about yet." 

"Oh, Laz..." Peridot let out. "You don't ever have to tell me if you don't want to..." 

Lapis suddenly burst out into low laughter, a snort escaping as well. "Did you- Did you just call me Laz?!"

"Oh! I apologize, the name might trigger a bad memory or-"

"Peridot." Lapis cut the blonde off, her golden hazel eyes and warm grin telling Peridot she didn't fuck up. "No ones ever given me a nickname before..." Her eyes now had a glint of water. 

"Oh no, Don't you go crying on me..." Peridot warned.

"Sorry! Sorry." She choked out a laugh and wiped some tears from her eyes. "It's just really sweet of you." She told the blonde, looking up at her through her blue bangs.

"Damnit, gimme a hug." Lapis exhaled.

Peridot thought about kissing her just then, as the beautiful tan-skinned girl leaned in closer with her arms outstretched, and as they shared a heart felt hug, Peridot was hit with a realization. 

 _God damnit, I'm catching feelings..._  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter I know!! I ran out of ideas, but I'm working on the next one right now.


	5. Slumber Party

Lapis was snuggled under her blankets, scrolling through her phone when she started hearing shouting from downstairs. She couldn't really hear what they were saying, but she could tell by the tone of their voices her parents were fighting. She wanted no part of it.  

Her mind immediately wandered off to Peridot. Hearing her talk, staring at her emerald green eyes and her locks of spiked up blonde hair, hanging out with her... it sounded great. Even sitting down on her bed and watching her play a video game would be better than listening to the muffled shouts of her parents. She took a glance outside. The sky was a deep, dark grey-ish blue, and then the time, which was 7:46. 

She opened up her texts and scrolled through her and Peridots earlier conversations before sending her a hello text.

Sure enough, in fractions of a second Peridot had responded. 

**[Peridot]: In the middle of a game right now, Lapis. Are you okay?**

**[Lapis]: Yeah im okay, i wanted to ask if I could sleep over, my parents are fighting and I don't wanna hear another second of it, I know it will go on all night**

**[Peridot]: Of course! Come over whenever you'd like. It'll be good for you to meet my parents anyways.**

Lapis sprang out of bed, thinking about how to make a good first impression on Peridot's parents.

 _Why do I need to? It's not like we're dating or anything! Her parents just need to know who I am, that's all. Were just friends. Act like it._ The bluenette told her self, even as the words "Just friends" Put a hole through her heart.

Quickly, she threw on a plain blue long-sleeve shirt and a jean jacket, and wrestled into a pair of slim-fit jeans before picking up her phone, stuffing it in her pocket and shuffling down the stairs. Her parents were still arguing, so they didn't notice Lapis sneak out of the front door and push it closed.

Lapis walked along the next block from her house, repeating Peridots address in song form over and over so she could remember it when she saw it.

Finally she came across it. 12837. She walked up to the grey-painted house and jumped in surprise when a window on the 2nd floor of the house opened, and out came a head of spiked up blonde hair.

"Hey laz!" Shouted a nasal voice.

"Hi Peridot!" Lapis shouted back. "Can I come in?"

"Of course! I'll meet you at the front door, just give me a moment!"

Lapis nervously shuffled up to the front door with her hands buried in her pockets. 

The dark oak door swung open to reveal a charmingly nervous looking Peridot, in all her nerdy, blonde, glasses wearing glory. Lapis felt her cheeks heat up as Peridot spoke.

"Hey! Uh- okay, you can come in." The blondes voice was strained, rushed, and anxious.

Lapis chuckled. "Calm down Peridot, it's only a sleepover." 

"Correct." Peridot sighed and dropped her shoulders. "Sorry, I- I've never had anyone I know in my house before, you know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Mom, Dad, this is Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. I met her at school two weeks ago and I figured you'd want to know who she is if she's sleeping over tonight." Peridot addressed her parents as soon as the two filed into the kitchen. 

"Hi." Lapis said, waving and painting a grin on her face and crossing her legs together nervously. 

"Well hello, Lapis!" Peridots mom held out her hand, which Lapis shook, albeit hesitantly.  "It's great that Peridot has a friend to hang out with! You're welcome to sleep over anytime."

"Thank you..." Lapis said shyly. 

Once the two got up the stairs, Peridot seemed less nervous and more upset.

"Hey Peridot, are you doin' alright?" Lapis spoke up.

"My parents are so _manipulative._ " Peridot groaned.

"Are they?" 

"They're not like that when I'm around. They never care about anything that has to do with me unless it's how clean my room is or how good my grades are! And when breaks or summer comes around, they don't even want anything to do with me! They always go on business trips or they're always in the living room, watching TV. And I can never do anything about it! I could litterally _die_ and they would fake cry at my funeral and get support from everyone and then go home and watch TV and count their money."

There was a beat of silence as Lapis pondered Peridots words.

"Come on, let's go in my room and I'll show you around, let's forget about negative things for awhile." The blonde spoke again.

"That sounds nice." 

Peridot opened up the door to her room, and Lapis was immediately hit with the faint smell of lemon zest. She pointed that out to Peridot.

"Its an air refresher I have in my room. What can I say? I like the smell." The shorter of the two reasoned.

"Well I think it suits you pretty well." Lapis smiled at Peridot. 

Peridot blushed before regaining a sense of reality. "Well, uhm- make yourself at home, I think I have an extra blanket in my closet and I have an air mattress that I can put infront of my bed." 

Lapis studied the blondes room for a bit while Peridot jumped into her rolling chair and pulled herself up to her desk to pull up a video game. 

Peridot's room had grey painted walls and two small windows on the far wall. The ceiling had lights that were adjustable in brightness, and the floor was a soft, tan rug. Her bed was in it's own little nook in the corner of her room, surrounded on three sides by a chalkboard full of equations, mechanical designs, and doodles. Only the foot of her bed was exposed. Her desk was in the corner across from her bed, and her closet covered the rest of the walls. 

"Peridot, your room is really nice..." Lapis mused. 

"Hm?" Peridot turned around in her chair. "Oh, Well my parents make me clean and organize it everyday so of course it is."

"No, no I meant the design! I love what you did with the chalkboard surrounding your bed, it's like a little nook. It looks cozy." 

"Oh, well thank you Laz, I like your room too." 

They sat in silence for a while, Lapis gazing at Peridot deeply engaged in a game of overwatch with a lollipop in her mouth.(Which Lapis may or may not have sneaked a picture of because _damnit that's really adorable_ ) The quiet between them was only interrupted by the occasional, "Damnit, you clod I almost had you!" 

By the time Peridot had finished up two games, she turned around in her chair, to face Lapis, who was now sitting on the floor. 

"Would you like to try? I feel bad just making you watch me play instead of doing something..." Peridot asked. 

"Oh! I haven't played any video games in forever, especially on a Computer. But I'll try. How do you play?" 

Peridot put her hands up to her chest excitedly. "I'll show you! Inferior console fiend! Come here, sit down, I'll pull up a chair!"

Lapis laughed and stood up. Once lapis sat down, Peridot wrapped her arms around The bluenette's shoulders and guided her hands across the Keyboard and mouse to show her the controls.

Lapis was hyper-aware of how intimate the position they were in was, but it's not like she was arguing. After Peridot had given her the basics, she gave full control of the game to Lapis, resting her forearms on the Hawaiians shoulders. Peridot cheered her on the whole game, giving her praise when she did something right and telling her what to do when something went wrong.

Apparently she was a fast learner, because by the end of the game Lapis was on 16 kills and 8 deaths. 

"Lapis, you're a natural! You promise you've never played overwatch before?" Peridot praised. 

"No!" Lapis laughed. "I really haven't! I'm suprised with myself!"

The rest of the night was spent trading turns on overwatch and telling awful pickup lines they found on the internet before finally surrendering to the night and getting into bed. Peridot pumped up the air mattress and set it by the foot of her bed while Lapis gathered Blankets and stole one of Peridot's pillows. 

Lapis was about to crawl into bed when Peridot stopped her. "I'm not letting you sleep in jeans and a t-shirt." She chimed. "Let me grab some Pajamas for you." 

"Do you have any long-sleeved tops that I can sleep in?" Lapis asked. 

"Of course, but why do you need one?" 

"Just... Personal preference I guess." 

Peridot went off to grab a top for Lapis, and half way down the hall way was hit with a realization. 

_Oh stars, my prosthetic! I can't let Lapis see it!_

She walked back into the room with a top and Cotton pants for Lapis, who was looking out the window. Lapis took the clothes and went to the bathroom to change. 

Right as the door to her room closed, Peridot changed into her PJ's and unlatched her prosthetic leg quickly, stuffing it under her bed and hopping under the covers, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw that Lapis wasn't done changing. 

Once Lapis did come back, She crawled into her bed in silence, and Peridot had almost drifted to sleep when Lapis spoke again.

"Hey Peridot?" The bluenettes tired, raspy voice filled Peridots ears. "I had a lot of fun tonight... Let's do this more often." 

Peridot blushed furiously into her pillow.

"Y-Yeah. Let's." 

 

 

 

 


	6. New people, old memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet convinces Lapis and Peridot to come to a Crystal Gems meetup.

Lapis and Peridot had coincidentally met just outside of Garnets office, a month after their first sleepover, as Lapis was leaving meeting with her, and Peridot was about to walk home.

"Laz! Hey!" Peridot greeted.

Lapis waved warmly. "Peridot! What are you doing here?" Lapis found her heart rate increasing as she took notice of Peridot's yellow t-shirt and green track jacket.

"I was just walking home, what's your excuse?" 

"I just got done with a meeting with Garnet."

As if on queue, the door behind the two opened, to reveal the smiling counselor.

"Actually, I'm not done with you yet Lazuli. Peridot, you should come too. I'll only be a minute."

Once Lapis and Peridot were seated in Garnets office, she began. 

"How long have you two known eachother by now?" An amused smirk appeared on the counselors face.

"Uhm..." Lapis stuttered. "A month in a half?" 

"And 3 days." Peridot added. 

"That's good." Garnet laughed. "As in, it's good to see you two finally have a friendship you can count on. I know the feeling of being alone, and it's relieving to know that you don't always have to be. I'm glad you've both figured that out for yourselves." 

"You talk about us as if we're a couple..." Lapis said, visually flustered. 

Peridot felt her heart sink even as she kept her carefully neutral expression.

"Oh, no I didn't mean it like that. But my point still stands. I'm glad you guys met eachother."

"Well, thanks... I am too." Peridot flustered.

"Well other than that, I wanted to bring you both here because I want to invite you to the next crystal gems meet up. Now, you don't have to come to the one in half an hour, but-"

"I'd love to go!" Lapis interrupted.

"Lapis, I wouldn't expect you to be the type of person to want to go to a GSA meetup." Peridot said, genuinely surprised. 

"I've made... a lot of changes since we started being friends. And this is a change I should make. I need to hangout with more people." 

"Well if you're going, I'll... I'll follow along. Maybe I'll meet some nice people too." 

They both looked at Garnet, who now had the biggest ear-to-ear smile they had ever seen.

"Room 1126. 3:30. I'll see you both there." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot and Lapis walked side by side to the room where they were going to meet the crystal gems. They both were nervous but excited. "It's my first time willingly interacting with more than two people in a long time you know." Lapis had said as they walked through the hallway. Peridot had let out a silly little laugh at that, which Lapis categorized in her "Cute Peridot moments" corner of her brain.

"You ready?" Peridot asked as she laid her her hand on the door knob.

"Yeah. Let's go." Lapis nodded.

Peridot swung the door open and was greeted by multiple smiling faces.

A short, slightly chubby boy with curly black hair gasped. 

"Ohmygosh!! Mom! Garnet! New people!!" The boy shouted excitedly. He ran across the room to stand infront of Peridot and Lapis.

"Who are you guys?" 

"Well, hi there, I'm Peridot, this is Lapis..." Peridot greeted. 

"I'm Steven! I'm pretty sure you know Garnet, but you don't know the others yet! Let me introduce you!" 

"I'll do it, Steven." A towering woman with an elegant floral dress and long, thick pink hair said. 

"I'm Rose. Rose quartz. Or Ms. Quartz. You can call me whatever you'd like. Even Pink Diamond. The two fencing with yardsticks in the corner over there are Ms. Pearl and Connie." 

Said Ms. Pearl and Connie waved at the two simultaneously.

"The bookworms over there are Saphire and Padparadscha." They both looked up from the book the two were sharing and waved before a muscular, Dark-skinned, short girl with an Afro scooped up Saphire and kissed her repeatedly on the cheek.

"The one showing Saphire no mercy with _smooching_  is Ruby." Ms. Quartz laughed. "They've been a couple since elementary school and they're showing no signs of slowing down."

A short, darker skinned girl with long, flowing lavender hair walked up to the three. 

"I don't need no introduction from her. I'm Amethyst!" Rose laughed and Amethyst nudged Lapis in the arm. "It's great that we have more people here. You'll get used to our antics eventually." She smiled at Lapis, Which Lapis warmly returned. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Let's get down to Bismuth!" A sudden punch-line sounded from the corner of the room. 

"I'm guessing your name is Bismuth?" Peridot Laughed.

"You got it tiny!" The large, muscular girl with rainbow hair pointed at the blonde.

"Well, now that you two know who everyone is, let's- Well," Rose laughed. "Get down to Bismuth!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lapis had just gotten back from the bathroom when she stopped in the door way to watch Peridot socialize with the Gems. 

 _Peridot looks like she's always had them as friends!_ Lapis mused. _What does she mean she doesn't know how to talk to people? She's amazing! In that fucking yellow shirt, with that jacket tied around her waist. Her hair looks really nice today too._

"You should tell her." 

Lapis jumped and spun around at the sudden, deep voice of Garnet right behind her. 

"Excuse me?" Lapis asked.

"I said, you should tell her."

"Tell who what?"

"Oh, come on, don't play dumb with me." The counselor grinned. "I've seen that look before. It's just nice to see someone in love. It gives me hope that people still believe in it." There was a beat of silence.

"And before you deny it-" Garnet raised a finger. Lapis clamped her mouth shut and put her stubborn finger down.

"That's not an inherently bad thing. All love is, is admiration. That's not something to be ashamed of." Garnet finished. 

Lapis sighed. "Peridot is... Probably one of the best people I've met. Ever. I've been pining over her and pushing down my feelings for a month now, so yeah. I guess you could say I'm in love." 

"Well she thinks you're pretty great. I can't tell you everything she's said because I have a vegas rule in my office. But based on the things she's told me... I think you should go for it."

"I dunno Garnet... I haven't exactly had good experiences with relationships in the past and-" Garnet put her hand up, cutting Lapis off. 

"I'm not telling you to do it. When you think the time is right, you should decide that on your own. I'm the school counselor, not matchmaker."

Garnet began to walk back into the room, or _The Temple_ as the gems liked to call it, but she turned around to say one last thing.

"You're a good person Lapis. And so is Peridot. Don't leave her in the dark for too long, alright?" 

"A-alright." Lapis squeaked out, watching Garnet smirk in triumph and head back into the room.

 

 

 


	7. Secrets

"We should go swimming! Is the pool still open?" Amethyst suggested loudly.

It was the second Crystal Gems meeting Lapis and Peridot had been to, and everyone had been enjoying it, besides Lapis after Amethyst had suggested swimming. 

Everyone in the room soundly agreed, even Ms Pearl, even though she still told everyone to shower before they got in the pool, dry off properly, etc.

Lapis instantly felt her entire body tense up. She could _not_ swim. Maybe she could just sit on the bench, watching Peridot swim around. 

"Does anyone here object?" Rose asked, looking around the room.

Lapis couldn't say no. She wanted to, she _so_ wanted to, but her body was frozen in place. 

"Alright! Everyone to the locker rooms. Me, Garnet, and Pearl will sit on the benches to supervise you all."

As everyone filed their way out of the temple, Lapis stayed metaphorically tied to her seat before Peridot tapped her on the shoulder. 

"Lapis? Are you coming?"

"Yep! Yeah! Of course! It'll be fun!" Lapis jumped.

As Peridot and Lapis walked side by side out of the temple, both holding on to their backpack straps for dear life, Peridot pulled Lapis to the side quickly.

"LapisIneedtotellyousomething!" Peridot rushed. 

For a second, as Lapis' eyes wandered the Short blonde's face, she thought by some miracle Peridot was about to confess her love for her. But then the blonde spoke again.

"I need to be honest with you about something. We're going swimming, and because I can't wear pants into the water, like any normal person wouldn't, my right leg is gonna be exposed." 

"...Why is that a bad thing?" Lapis asked hesitantly, as if one wrong word could shatter the blonde like a flower vase.

"Because... Because- I uhm..." Peridot began to visually shake.

Lapis noticed this and put a hand on the blonde's shoulder, helping her sit down. 

"Peridot...you don't have to tell me."

"No! I need to! I'll _Have to_ once we get in the water, I just want to get it over with!"

The blonde pulled her right pant leg up to reveal her prosthetic leg. Lapis audibly gasped.

"I don't want to get into why. Or- _how,_ for that matter, but I needed to show this to you so it wouldn't be a surprise in the locker room." There was a beat of silence as Lapis marveled at Peridots leg, taking in every detail.

"It's waterproof... before you ask." Peridot said, burying her cheek between her knees and looking away from Lapis.

"Peridot..." Lapis breathed. Peridot swears she had stars in her eyes. "This is so cool! You have a prosthetic leg?! I had no idea... I'm sorry I didn't know, I could've helped you out with so much..."

"No, no it's okay... I should've told you earlier."

"And you're gonna have this on infront of everyone?" 

Peridot nodded. 

Lapis suddenly embraced Peridot and buried her head in the short nerds shoulder. 

"You're the bravest person I've ever met." Lapis whispered.

"That's not true..." 

Lapis pulled away and clutched Peridot by the shoulders, her expression hardening. "I'm serious. Going out infront of everyone with that on, _knowing_ that everyone will see it and comment on it nonstop... that's the bravest thing I can think of, You nerd." Lapis grinned. 

Then Lapis got the nerve to give Peridot a kiss on her forehead.

" _I'm proud of you_." She breathed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot walked into the girls locker room alongside Lapis, both looking very nervous for very different reasons.

Both gathered their swimsuits and filed into separate changing stalls.

Lapis changed into her bathing suit almost whispering to herself.

_You can't let anyone know what you did. What happened to you. They'll hate me! They'll report me to the cops! What would Peridot think of me!? Oh my stars if she finds out... That won't happen. It's Peridot's special day. She is baptizing herself by fire and doing something completely out of her comfort zone, and **I'll be damned** if I'm not helping her the whole way through. I **won't** freak out under that water. She can't hurt you here. She isn't here. You're around good people, there's no reason to freak out under the water!_

Lapis exited the changing stall to see Peridot, prosthetic brandished proudly on her right leg. She was talking to a very enthusiastic Amethyst, and while Lapis couldn't make out exactly what they were saying, she could tell Amethyst was complimenting the blonde on her leg. 

But Lapis was more interested on how stunning Peridot looked at the moment. 

Her glasses were off, replaced by contacts that made the emerald green in her eyes stand out even more than they already did, her normally spiked up blonde hair was let down and wet from the shower, each strand of gold silk dancing down her face. Her green bathing suit accented every curve on her body to perfection, and her prosthetic was out in full swing. 

Lapis was suddenly overcome with a sense of pride in her best friend. She _had_ to do this for her.

Peridot finished her conversation with Amethyst practically _buzzing. This was gonna be fun! People liked her prosthetic!_

She turned around to see a very flustered, very nervous, Lapis Lazuli. Her one piece bathing suit was maroon and gold, the front brandished the letters "BHS". (Probably the highschool she went to in Hawaii) The colors oddly suited her. Her blue hair was tied into a neat pony tail, some rebellious strands escaping onto her face and over her dazzling hazel eyes. She looked beautiful.

"I've never seen you without glasses before..." Lapis marveled. 

"I've never seen you wearing something that's not some shade of blue, so we're even." The blonde bantered.

Lapis breathed a nervous laugh. "Touché..." 

Peridot put a hand on the bluenettes arm. "Okay, Lapis you look really nervous, are you sure you want to go swimming? I know you told me you stopped water sports in Hawaii for a reason, is that what's-" 

"I'm fine." Lapis said dryly, cutting Peridot off. "Let's go."

All the crystal gems filed out of the locker rooms, some heading straight to the diving board, others jumping in off the sides. 

Peridot turned to Lapis and offered a hand. "I want to jump in holding hands, I think it would be fun!" 

Lapis hesitantly took her hand. "Okay." She squeaked. The smell of chlorine was already starting to freak Lapis out. 

"Three... two... one!" Peridot sprinted forward, tugging Lapis behind her. 

"Nononono _wait!_ " Lapis shouted frantically, just as they were about to meet the edge of the concrete and the start of the deep water.

Peridot skidded to a halt, but Lapis couldn't control her momentum, and as her hand tugged Peridot down onto the hard concrete, Lapis careened into the water below.

Lapis was suddenly plunged into deafening silence. Feeling what little breath she had escape her mouth and bubble to the surface, her heart rate sped up, _everything_ started to shake, and then... everything _shattered._

All she could feel was those big hands closing around her neck, holding her under the water, hearing the owners distorted, angry shouts from above. She kicked and punched and screamed under the water, using what little air she had left. At the same time she felt herself sinking, and in the midst of all the panic, one coherent thought got through her brain.

_I'm going to die..._

Everything from that point on was a blur. She felt a pair of long arms wrap round her waist, and pull her upwards. She was then lifted onto the concrete, still hyperventilating and crying and screaming, "No! No! Get off me!" 

She could hear what sounded like Peridot repeating, " _I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry..."_  And Lapis looked at the blonde through her stinging, water-clouded vision, and saw her clutching her side, and Lapis was suddenly overcome with a crushing realization.

_I just hurt her..._

With that thought fresh in her still panicking mind, she let out a scream of frustration, got up, and _ran._

All she knew was that she _had_ to get out of here.

 

 


	8. We need to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> In detail descriptions of abusive relationship, drowning, and stronger language.

_God,_ the flashbacks won't stop.

 _"What we have isn't healthy! It's not right! This isn't **love** anymore, it's just torture and I'm done with it!" _Lapis had said to her.

_"And what would you know about love, you skinny bitch! You can't leave me, I'm all you have! Without me you're a useless, lonely runt and you know it."_

_"I know enough about love to know that being alone is better than being with you!"_

_"You need me, admit it!"_

_**"No I fucking don't!"**_ She screamed at she lunged at her.

It had been an agonizing three days since the incident at the pool. Lapis had skipped school the whole time, and ignored her phone the whole time. Only using it to check the time and ignore the 20+ missed calls from Peridot and god knows how many texts.

She had been having daily flashbacks, sometimes multiple a day, and she honestly had no idea how she hadn't been swallowed up by her guilt already.

She _hurt_ Peridot. The only person she truly felt she had a connection with, she _hurt._  She dragged her down with her and now she has a bruise on her side.

She should have known this was gonna end. She was so caught up in how great it was that she never even thought about it ending. And know, she had pushed another person away.

But what was done was done. Her and Peridots friendship was over, as far as it concerned Lapis. Although the thought _stung_ and left a sour taste in her mouth, she wasn't gonna let herself hurt Peridot again. 

Lapis took a glance at the time on her laptop. 2:30 AM.

 _Stars,_ she wanted to see Peridot. Just cuddling up to her and letting her warmth and comfort wash over her sounded like heaven on earth.

She debated for another five minutes on wether to ask if she could see Peridot. 

She decided that it was to ridiculous that she was going to ask Peridot to sneak out of her house, but she really needed Peridot right now. She would have a chance to apologize one last time before Peridot abandoned her for good. 

Right as she was getting ready to type a message to Peridot, she heard what sounded like a small pebble tap her window. She heard another, then another, then another.

She put down her phone and opened the window to see what was going on, and was greeted by a very attractive blonde.

Peridot was wearing baggy sweatpants and a faded green pull over sweatshirt. Her glasses were obviously thrown on, as they were sloped slightly to the side, and her hair was a frizzy, curly, golden mess. _Stars,_ she was beautiful. 

"Lapis, can you... can you come down here? There's so much I want to say but I don't know how to say it unless you're next to me." She whispered loudly. 

Lapis closed the window without a word, throwing on a grey hoodie and jeans, before shuffling down the stairs quietly and slipping her feet into her dads oversized slippers. She opened the door and walked over to the blonde, trying and failing to keep her face stone cold and void of emotion as she burst into tears and wrapped Peridot into an anything-but-graceful hug, falling to the grass in a heap of emotion.

Lapis snuggled up to Peridot and wrapped her arm around her torso, still fighting off the remains of a breakdown.

"I'm _so sorry..."_  They both said at the same time. 

Peridot stuttered a moment before Lapis gestured for the blonde to speak.

"There's so much I want to tell you..." Peridot started.

"Start with Wednesday. The pool." Lapis muffled into Peridot's shirt.

"I should never have even pressured you to come swimming in the first place. I don't think I can put into words how sorry I am for losing my balance and tossing you into the water." 

Lapis listened to Peridot tell her side of what happened as every word vibrated lapis, who was resting on Peridots chest. 

"Seeing you after you got out... I think that's the worst memory I can think of right now. You just looked so... _afraid_ and... _lonely_ beneath all the panic." 

Peridot sighed. "...It really fucked me up, Lapis."

"I'm sorry." Lapis let out. "It's my fault. All of it." 

"That's not tr-" 

"No, Peridot, I'm not just talking about the pool... The reason I get so freaked out under the water is because of something I did. If I had had just stayed with her... none of this would've happened. No one would have to get hurt." 

"Who's her?" Peridot asked slowly, not wanting to push her luck.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Peridot let out a long sigh. "Okay- Laz..." She sat up and helped Lapis do the same, taking the golden tan hands in her own.

"I know this might sound rude but I have to tell you the truth. Maybe you _need_ to talk about it. You might not want to, but you need to, Lapis. You've been Bubbling up these emotions and memories since they happened, and it's killing you!" Peridot was now holding back tears of her own. 

"I did the same thing when I lost my leg. I blamed it on myself, I bottled up my emotions until they all came pouring out and I did this!" The tears came spilling out as she pulled down her sweatshirt to reveal a faded scar that went from her shoulder to her left breast. Peridot choked out a wet, humorless laugh before continuing.

"The best part is, it wasn't even my decision to go break into someone's house! I wasn't pressured into it by horrible people! I climbed through the window and when I got into the living room I-" She cut herself off with a sob.

"He had a shotgun, Lapis. My lower leg was blown off." 

There was a beat of silence as Lapis processed what the blonde was telling her.

"My point is, Laz, That if you bottle all these memories up and blame them on yourself much longer, you're gonna break. And it won't be pretty. And I don't want to know what happened to you because I'm curious. I want to know what happened so I can _understand,_ Lapis."

Peridot put a hand on the bluenettes shoulder.

"When I saw you on the floor next to the pool, screaming, afraid, and thrashing, I made a vow to myself that I was gonna help you. No matter what you think of it, I want to help you move on. And I can't do that unless I know what happened."

Lapis hid her stinging eyes under bangs as she spoke her next words. 

"Her name was Jasper... Big, and buff and charming... We met on my swimming team and hooked up one night. Next thing you know, she was my girlfriend. We were the power couple in school. But... It was all an act." 

Lapis felt a tear streak down her face.

"She abused me. Mentally. All the time. But the sad thing is I almost _miss her_... And that makes me a horrible person. She made me feel so powerful... we bullied other kids at school and called them names... And I participated in it willingly. Because it made me feel powerful. _She_ made me feel powerful, and made me feel like garbage at the same time."

Peridot looked down at Lapis' hands which were now balled into tight fists that made her knuckles turn white hot. She was starting to tremble.

"I- I Thought I could walk away at any time, but when I tried, it was _nasty_ and _violent and...!_ " 

Lapis burst into tears once more, breathing out choking sobs that made Peridot wince.

"I Tried t-to drown her... I thought I could just end it all, the abuse, the tourture...But she tried to d-drown me, and because she's so much bigger and stronger than me, she held me under water until I passed out. The next thing I know I'm in a hospital room and my mom is crying..." 

"So when you were submerged..." Peridot realized.

"All I could feel was _her._ Holding me under, _Shouting_ at me, Grabbing me..." 

"I get it now..." Peridot looked Lapis in her watery hazel eyes. "You think you're a bad person because Jasper convinced you of it..." 

"Wha- You're not shunning me? Come on, Tell me I'm horrible! I litterally tried to _drown someone_ and you're not upset with me?!" Lapis was shaking uncontrollably now.

"Lapis you are _not_ horrible!" Peridot almost shouted, putting her hand on Lapis' cheek softy. "You're a fantastic human being with a good heart and good intentions who just hasn't convinced themselves of that yet...You are _perfect,_ in every way I can fathom."

Lapis bowed her head, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"Moving on is going to be hard. But you've persevered through so much, and I completely believe you can do this. And the first step is accepting... That it wasn't your fault."

Lapis suddenly wrapped Peridot in a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of Peridot's neck. 

"Thank you..." She cried softly. "Thank you, thank you..." Lapis kept repeating until Peridot fell with a huff on the grass with Lapis laying next to her. 

"Maybe things will be alright if your around..." Lapis sniffled. "...You nerd."

 


	9. Sing for me

Peridot could've sworn the past week had been the best week of her life. And it wasn't because anything particularly fun had happened, it was solely because Lapis looked genuinely happy.

The blue-headed Hawaiian no longer had a constant tang of regret and sadness. She walked like a million pounds had been lifted off her shoulders, she talked like it was always sunny out, but most importantly, it seemed like she felt happy. And that made Peridot happier than she had ever thought she could be.

But while the past week had been spectacular, there was still the tang of something that wasn't there. Something that was missing. And Peridot had known exactly what that something was.

Lapis.

It was quite ridiculous when Peridot thought about it. She was right here, lying next to her talking about the color blue, or camp pining hearts. Playing overwatch with her, or failing at giving Peridot a piggy back ride at 1 am in the middle of the street, getting a burrito at Taco Bell and stealing the salt shakers, laughing all the way back home.

But the feeling was there, and it was potent by the end of the week.

Peridot wanted to kiss Lapis. She wanted to snuggle up to her and talk into her chest about everything that makes Lapis such a beautiful work of art. She wanted to hold her hand, she wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek and watch a red-hot blush spread across her face. She wanted to do it with her at 2 am with classic rock playing from their inadequate Bluetooth speaker, (Peridot tried to stay as quiet as possible when she imagined that in her bed at night.) she wanted to make out with the bluenette for hours at a time, getting lost in her lips and her soft tan skin, and dazzling hazel eyes.

She wanted her.

And while she made sure not to show it, she was desperate to find out if Lapis felt the same way.

While Peridot had identified her feelings by this point, she still didn't know what they implied, so she took to google.

She first looked up, "how do you know if you're in love."

A page popped up titled, "Are you in love? Here's a list of symptoms:"

1\. YOUR HORMONES GO WILD.

When you fall in love, your cheeks flush, your heart beats faster, your palms are sweaty and your head starts spinning. This is all thanks to a rush of chemicals and hormones that flood your brain and body when you fall in love.

This leaves you with feelings of euphoria similar to an endorphin-induced “runner’s high.”

There’s nothing you can do about this; love physically makes you crazy.

Peridot thought back to her past experiences with Lapis and remembered countless times when exactly what was described in the paragraph happened to her. When lapis would say or do something that made Peridot fluster. Oh stars it's happening now...

2\. YOU WAKE UP AND GO TO SLEEP THINKING OF SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF.

From the moment you wake up in the morning to the moment you go to sleep at night, the person you love occupies at least some part of your mind. How does your brain even know to think of that person first thing in the morning? Doesn’t it have other more important things to worry about? The truth is this phenomenon is usually subconscious and automatic, almost like your mind is programmed to do so. Even throughout the day, that person stays staunchly in the back of your mind. As crazy as it may be, it is nice to think of someone beside you every once in a while.

Okay these were getting too real. Peridot couldn't even remember a time she hadn't woken up or gone to sleep and thought of Lapis.

3\. YOU SMILE WHEN YOU’RE ALONE.

We’ve all seen them: the smile texters. Smile texting is the perfect example of what happens when you’re falling in love. You experience weird, giddy feelings of happiness, even when you’re not physically with that special person.

You might smile when he or she texts you, when you hear a certain song, see a picture on Facebook or when you just think of that person.

In general, little things like that will make you smile more than usual because you are just so blissfully in love (and because of all those happy hormones flowing through your bloodstream).

Seemingly on queue, She heard a knock on the door of her bedroom.

Her door was swung open and in came Lapis Lazuli, sporting a pullover black hoodie with a Pink Floyd album cover brandished on the front, light blue slim-fit jeans, and bright blue high-top vans with stars seemingly drawn onto them in sharpie.

As always, she looked gorgeous.

Lapis suddenly started to chuckle.

"You're in a sports bra and sweat pants and I think that's the best outfit I've ever seen you in."

Peridot realized what Lapis was saying was true and immediately felt heat crawling up her face.

"It's a good look for you..." Lapis added, more shyly this time. Peridots heart was about to burst.

"Anyway I came here to ask if you wanted to come with me and my parents to a lake house up north for the break?" She asked, shuffling over to Peridots bed and flopping down on it.

"It's a summer home that we go to sometimes, we've always had it, even when we lived in Hawaii, but now that we live so much closer to it we can go during spring break!"

Peridot pondered this for a second. "Next week? Right?" She asked.

"Of course! That's when break is!"

"Yeah! Sorry, of course!" Peridot stuttered.

"Peridot." Lapis started. "Your voice sounds more strained than a rubber band ball, are you alright?"

"Uhm- it's... nothing, I've just never lived with anyone but my family for more than a day..."

Lapis chuckled. "You'll be fine, Peri. Promise." Suddenly Lapis sprang out of the bed and to Peridots side. "What are you looking up?!"

"Gah!" Peridot jumped, quickly closing out of the tab. "I was just... doing extra research for my human studies class with Mrs. Quartz!"

Lapis ruffled The blondes hair. "Teachers pet." She name-called.

"Always have been, always will be!" Peridot bolstered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the moment she asked Peridot about the lake house, Lapis' decision was made.

She was going to confess to Peridot next week at the lake house.

But while she was still unsure, she consulted Garnet about her plan.

"Well, what do you think of it?" Garnet said once Lapis had spilled the tea.

"Wha- no, I'm asking you!" Lapis sputtered.

"And I'm asking you. What do you think of your plan?"

Lapis pondered a moment. "Well, I think it's crazy." Lapis laughed into the back of her hand. "That I'm even considering telling her..."

"That's a good thing." Garnet said matter-of-factly. "You've made a lot of progress since you first came here. I'm glad you're not leaving her in the dark for much longer."

There was a beat of silence as Lapis pondered on what the counselor was telling her.

"But you realize I'm going to talk about the elephant in the room right?" Garnet leaned forward slightly.

"Hm?"

"You ran out of the pool a couple days ago and no ones heard from you since, I wanted to know if your alright. When I pulled you out of the water, I'd never seen anyone so panic-stricken."

"You pulled me out of the water?!"

"I did, yes. But are you okay now?"

"Well Peridot heard from me. She threw pebbles at my window until I opened it and we- talked about what happened and why."

"Are you okay with telling me why?"

"Uhh... Let's just say a bad person did some bad things to me and I did bad things back that involved water. I guess the memory still freakes me out when I'm under it."

"Well thank you for telling me. And I'm glad you're finally telling Peridot you love her."

Lapis flushed but didn't say anything, as she knew Garnet was right.

"What's got you all flustered?" Garnet noticed.

Lapis sighed. "It's just weird to her it out loud..."

Garnet smiled. "Love makes us feel the unimaginable..." She sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot knocked on the door and was greeted by Lapis' mom, gesturing her in and excitedly talking about how she's so glad to have her coming with them. Peridot said her thank you's and soaked in her praise before heading up the stairs to Lapis' room.

She was about to knock on the door when she heard a ukelele chord play out, and then she swears she heard the muffled voice of an angel.

"I was scared of dentists and dark..."

Peridot could've sworn she was melting listening to this. Her voice sent chills down Peridot's spine.

_"I was scared of pretty girls, and starting conversations..."_

Okay, that was it. Peridot had to interrupt or she was gonna sit here all day listening to Lapis, and they had to go soon. She softly opened the door to find lapis in slim jeans that went to her knees, a black AC/DC hoodie, topped off with a pair of classic converse. Goddamnit, here came the butterflies again.

Lapis put down her ukelele and jumped to her feet in surprise. "Peridot! I uh-I didn't know you were gonna be here so soon!" 

"Lapis, that was... _insane!_  That sounded amazing and you only played two chords! Can you do it again?" Peridot complimented.

"You...liked that? I haven't sung in months!" She laughed. 

"It sounds like you've been singing your whole life! When we get to the lake house you _have_ to sing more of that song! Unless... you're not comfortable with it of course."

"No! I'd love to sing for you, I'm just... rusty I guess. That makes me nervous."

After a long two hour road trip, Lapis and Peridot shuffled down the tan carpet stairs to their shared room in the lake house, (They could have chosen separate rooms but what good would that do?) They both flopped down on their queen size bed and stared at the ceiling, exhaustion calling to them both. 

"You know we have to unpack before we sleep right?" Peridot grinned. 

Lapis muffled something incoherent into the pillow now over her face.

"C'mon Lapis, you know it's true, get up!"

Once they had unpacked everything, hung their clothes up in the closet, and changed into their pajamas, they both sat down on the bed, Lapis fiddling with the strings on the ukelele and tuning it up. 

"What song do you wanna hear?" Lapis asked, her eyes fixed on Peridots emerald. 

"Uhhh... the one you were singing today. When I walked in on you." 

Lapis flopped down on the bed and started to play the song. Riptide was what it was called. 

Peridot let herself get lost in the bluenette's voice, flopping down next to her and staring, memorizing every strand of colorful blue hair, every curve, every dotted freckle on golden tan skin, and every line to keep in the back of her mind. She suddenly realized, as her eyes wandered to her arms, that she was wearing a tank top. Her arms were exposed and so were the old scars, and it didn't seem like Lapis was batting an eye. 

Peridot's heart suddenly swelled with pride as she looked at Lapis's face again, singing her heart out and strumming her ukelele close to her chest. 

The night continued like that, Peridot making song requests and Lapis singing to her until they both looked at the clock and realized it was 2 AM. 

The two girls laughed at the same time and crawled under the covers. After they exchanged their heartfelt "G'nights", Peridot let herself drift off to sleep with the soft sound of Lapis' breathing filling her ears. 

Peridot had never felt so at peace as she finally surrendered to her exhaustion and let sleep take her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. The better person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis opens up to Peridot about what her relationship with Jasper was like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¡This is a short chapter!
> 
> TW: In-detail description of an abusive relationship.

Peridot and Lapis were sitting on the picnic table at the end of the stairs to the small beach on the Lakehouse's property. The afternoon sun was a dark, blood orange, and the trees at the other side of the lake were slightly faded.

"Why does everything look so... _Apocalyptic?_  Peridot asked.

"Well apparently there are wildfires down south, and most of the smoke is getting blown up here by the wind. I kinda feel bad for really enjoying the feel of it. Like, litterally, people's houses are burning down and I'm over here in mini-paradise basking in how surreal it all is." 

"I feel the same way." Peridot chuckled. 

There was a couple beats of silence before Lapis decided to pass the point of no return before the words went back down her throat again. 

"Hey... Peridot, there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about..." Lapis started. "I feel a lot more calm talking about my relationship with Jasper back in Hawaii. Opening up to you that night and spilling everything out helped _loads._  I've felt really happy since then, like there's a weight off my shoulders. But I still want to tell you about what our relationship was like, and maybe get some help from you in the process."

"Of course!" Peridot put a hand on Lapis' back. "Talk to me." 

"Well... I guess the reason I felt so bad about it... was because of me. _I_ did terrible things to her, it wasn't one sided. I hated her so much... I took out all my anger out on her verbally whenever I felt like it, and when I finally realized what I was doing, I tried to break up with her and... that's when it all went down." 

Lapis took a deep breath to calm her hands which were threatening to tremble.

"I know I can't say that it was all my fault, 'cuz, well... it wasn't. She bullied me and harassed me, forced me to do things I didn't want and never needed... She made me split up with my old friend group by shifting the blame to them for all my anger problems, and it _worked._ And that's why I see myself as a bad person a lot. _I_ fell for everything, _I_ took my anger out on her, and _I_ was the one who attacked her first when we broke up. I just... couldn't get enough of the feeling of being in control, and I wanted it all the time, and so did Jasper... Our relationship was just a battle for control of eachother. That's what made it unhealthy from the start." 

Peridot suddenly began to chuckle. 

"What's so funny?" Lapis asked.

"Lapis, anyone with a cerebral cortex can tell the truth here. Of course you did some bad things, no one's denying that, _but you realized what you were doing was wrong._ "

Peridot wiped the grin off her face and put a hand on Lapis' shoulder. 

"And Jasper didn't. That's what makes you the better person. That's what makes you good, Laz." 

Lapis leaned her head against Peridot's shoulder. 

"You really think so?" Lapis questioned.

"I know so."

 

 


	11. Expect The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis tries to work up the courage to confess to Peridot. And then she does something unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Use of marijuana (Its just a plot point for Lapis to do something that she doesn't remember later ;))

For Lapis, it had been two agonizing days of going through the same thing.

The thing is, she had planned to confess to Peridot during her time at the lake house, but she never thought about _when. And now it was the last night they were here._

So for the past two days, Lapis had become blatantly familiar with the feeling of words being trapped in your throat. They're _there,_ they're right on the tip of your tongue, but your body physically cannot utter them. 

Its not like the past two days had been inherently _bad,_ she had tons of fun! Peridot and Lapis often walked into town together, as it was only half a mile from the lake house, and explored the numerous small buisness thrift stores lined on the main road of the tiny town.

They had bought nerf guns to ambush eachother with at random times, board games to play after dinner once they grew bored of scrolling through memes, and to top it all off, a string of hard blue and lime green lights to hang up in their otherwise plain, white-walled room that gave the room a turquoise lighting when it got dark outside. 

They had tried weed for the first time, like most teenagers would eventually do, going outside to hit a bong Lapis had sneaked with her to the lakehouse and simply went back to their room and laughed at, and with eachother until sleep took them.

this Last night at the lakehouse they were high one final time for awhile, Lapis sitting at the foot of the bed, enjoying the visuals layed out before her eyes on the blank white wall, while Peridot attempted to play a video game on her 3DS, Giggling uncontrollably whenever she inevitably died. 

Peridot suddenly had the urge to stop playing, so she rolled over so her arms were wrapped around Lapis' shoulders and took out her phone, scrolling through instagram memes with Lapis and laughing at basically everything. 

"Peridot, when you lost your leg, how did you feel any pain?" Lapis asked.

"Uhhh how do you think dummy!" Peridot laughed. "My leg got blown off!"

"Yeah, but how do you feel the pain in your leg if your leg is gone?!" Lapis almost shouted, confused. 

Peridot was about to correct her, but then she considered for second. She suddenly burst into a giggle-fit.

"See?! It doesn't make sense!"

After laughing at that thought for awhile, Lapis hopped up onto the bed and dug in under the covers. Peridot did the same, and the two layed next to eachother for a long time, maybe up until one in the morning, just enjoying each others company.

Peridot was starting to feel her high wear off, replaced with a hazy feeling in the sides of her brain that tried to lull her to sleep with every passing minute. 

Suddenly Peridot felt Lapis grabbing her face, and then something that changed her world forever.

Lapis grazed her lips against Peridots in a soft kiss that shook Peridot from head to toe.

Lapis then rolled back to her previous position with a mumbled "'G'night." As if nothing had just happened.

Peridot was absolutely Star-struck. _What just happened...?_ That felt so _intimate,_ so... _amazing._

Peridot wanted to ask Lapis if she could do that again, but when she looked over, The bluenette was sound asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot woke up with a very hazy feeling in her head. It didn't hurt, it wasn't unpleasant, but it was very hazy, and it seemed to distort reality a tad. 

She rolled over to her other side, where Lapis was sleeping soundly, her face buried into her pillow and her blue hair layed out in all directions. _Stars, she was cute._

She rolled out of bed and stood up slowly, so as not to wake the sleeping Hawiian or cause herself a head rush.

She wandered up the stairs to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of orange juice and a couple granola bars, and on her way back down the stairs she was hit _hard_ with a realization. 

_Lapis kissed her._

If she went down there and Lapis was awake, she would have to face the inevitable. 

If she avoided it, it would come up eventually, and then there would be even more built-up tension.

After much debate with herself, she shuffled into the room to find Lapis sitting up in bed, staring out the window.

"Uhm... Lapis?" 

"Oh!" Lapis turned her head towards the door way. "'Morning Peridot." 

"Good morning." Peridot nervously shifted her feet. _Does she not remember?_  

The bluenette looked amazing in the grey morning light. Her hair was still messy and frizzy, (Not that Peridot minded) And her upper arm still had marks in it from the wrinkled blanket she slept on. Her eyes were their classic light brown hazel, smooth like Carmel, and her sun-tanned skin seemed illuminated by the light streaming in from the window.

Lapis tried to rub the remains of sleep from her eyes. "I feel like I just slept for a year..." She mumbled. "What time is it?" 

Peridot glanced at the digital clock in the corner of the room. "9:25." 

"Ugh... I only got 8 hours in. I'm gonna die." She dramatically flopped down in the bed and clutched at her chest.

This got a giggle out of Peridot, although she was still very confused. _Does she **seriously** not remember? _

 _"_ What even _happened_ last night?" Peridot asked, testing the waters. 

Lapis chuckled. "Honestly, I was so stoned, I don't think I remember a thing. The last thing that comes to mind was sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the wall." 

_She doesn't remember..._

Part of Peridot wanted the hawaiian to remember. She wanted to address what happened so that maybe... Lapis could do it again. But at the same time, she knew Lapis didn't feel that way about her, and kissing her was probably just the weed thinking for Lapis instead of her own head. 

"I'm gonna go grab a cup of tea, do you want one?" Lapis asked. 

Peridot snapped herself out of her thoughts. "That sounds nice. Could you put some honey in mine?"

"Sure." Lapis got out of bed, then leaned on the wall and held her head. "Oh, geez... Head-rush..." She chuckled. "Okay, I'm gonna make some tea. I'll be back in a sec."

Once lapis closed the door behind her, peridot flopped onto the floor and stared at the ceiling. 

_What am I supposed to do now..._

 

 

 


	12. Realizations

Lapis had a lot to mull over during the car ride home. 

It was hard to comprehend the notion that Peridot wouldn't be around her 24/7 after this week. She she would have to sit at home, alone with her thoughts again. And thoughts don't lie.

She totally flubbed her promise to herself that she would confess to Peridot, as Peridot still didn't hate her and they were on their way home now.

Suddenly she felt Peridot wrestle her legs into Her lap, and Lapis was reminded of the fact that Peridot could never hate her. Hopefully. 

She took a glance at The blonde, who was grinning warmly, looking up at Lapis from her 3DS. 

Lapis loved being around Peridot. She feels...like herself when she's with her, for the first time in a long fucking time, she feels like maybe she is good. Unmarred by her past, living in this moment, looking only to the future— and it's sitting right in front of her. 

But that future was so _uncertain._ Lapis was afraid. Afraid of losing her, Afraid of rejection, Afraid that if she admitted her feelings, nothing would be the same. That she would lose the friendship they shared. 

They've known eachother for 5 months, and it already feels like Lapis has known her for her entire life. She can't imagine a life without Peridot. 

Peridot had been there for her every step of the way since they met eachother. Touring her around the school, helping with homework, teaching her a video game, listening when Lapis needed to rant, like the night of tears both joyful and desperate that they shared, when they opened up to eachother about their respective pasts. A constant beacon of light that never seemed to dim.

Even when they were both high as a kite at the lakehouse, Peridot had still wrapped her arms around her and laughed into the crook of her neck, enjoying her company. 

Lapis was thinking back to as much as she could remember from last night when suddenly it felt as if her mind was instantly overwhelmed with a memory. Her cheeks went blood red, she could've of sworn her heart stopped.

The hole in her stomach was sudden and gaping as she remembered grazing her lips against Peridot's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I kissed her!" Lapis blurted. "I- she doesn't remember it, or else she would have confronted me on it by now... We were stoned and about to go to sleep and I don't know I just... did it! I have no idea what I was thinking, it was totally uncalled for and now I'm really torn on wether I should tell her or not because I don't know how she feels about me and-" 

Garnet held a hand out, silently telling Lapis to stop rambling and breathe. "So by the looks of it, you didn't get a chance to tell her?" 

Lapis sighed. "No... the words got trapped in my mouth every time." 

"So what are you going to do now?" Asked the counselor.

"I don't know! That's why I came here, I don't know what to do next and there's no way I'm just gonna sit back and pretend it never happened!" 

"In that case, you should tell her what happened."

"What?" Lapis gasped. 

"In relationships," Garnet started. "You must know what the other is feeling. Romantic relationships require love, understanding, and constant communication. And if you want any hope of being romantically involved with Peridot, it's vital that she knows what happens behind her back. Or, in this case, what happened while you were both high. Leaving her in the dark will do nothing but harm to both of you."

"But if I tell her I kissed her... how am I supposed to avoid the fact that I love her? I kissed her for crying out loud!" 

"You don't." Garnet replied matter-of factly. "Like I said, communication is key. And while it's unlikely, if she didn't feel the same way about you, at least you would have a platform to move on from." 

"So you're saying I should tell her..."

"As soon as possible."

Lapis dug her hand into her cheek. 

Garnet removed her glasses and looked the bluenette in the eyes.

"It will be awkward, and it may even be emotional. But I promise it will be _worth it._ "

 


	13. Seeing stars

Lapis softly opened the door to Peridot's room without a word, closing it and looking over at Peridot, who was staring out the window at the silent nighttime snowfall with a coffee cake in hand. 

Peridot felt her heart jump, speeding up her already fast heart rate. She had gotten the "Hey, can we talk?" Text from Lapis and from that point on, her stomach had become victim to the most vicious of butterflies.

Lapis looked at Peridot, bathed in the soft lighting of her room, spiked up blonde hair with loose strands falling over her face, Emerald green eyes shining as bright as ever, wearing a tight mint green shirt and Baggy ripped jeans. 

Peridot looked at Lapis, sporting a pair of over worn blue converse, bright denim slim-fit overalls, and a slim black sweater with little strips of material on the shoulders. Her Smooth Carmel eyes were filled with something Peridot couldn't describe. 

And there they stood, Everything to talk about but nowhere to start.

After what felt like eons, Lapis spoke first. "I uh- I kissed you. In the lakehouse on the last night." 

Peridot shuffled over to Lapis and gestured for her to sit down on the bed.

Once they were both seated, Peridot sighed. "I... I know. I didn't want to bring it up because it would've been super awkward and I thought you didn't remember it, so I just tried to forget about it." 

"I did remember, in the car on the way back." Lapis admitted. "Why do you think I was so quiet?" 

This got a chuckle out of Peridot, which got a chuckle from Lapis. Instantly the tension in the room changed to understanding.

Peridot grinned, albeit sheepishly. "I know it was just the weed acting for you, you don't have to convince me it wasn't real." 

And there was the tension again. Suddenly, Lapis had the words trapped in her throat. 

_Just say it! Get it over with or the tensions just gonna get worse! Come on Lazuli!_

_**"Ithinkiminlovewithyou!"** _

Peridots heart stopped. No, everything stopped. 

"What?" She breathed. 

"Yeah..." Suddenly something in Lapis snapped. "No, _fuck_ this small talk, _**Peridot I'm in love with you!!**_ " She shouted. 

Lapis fell to her knees and gripped the straps of her overalls so hard her knuckles turned white hot. 

"Peridot, I'm so in love with you it's _fucking insane!_ I'm so fucking in love with you my brain _short-circuits, I'm so fucking in love with you that I can't even get a grip on my own feelings they're so overwhelming!"_

Peridot stared in shock and disbelief.

"You're litterally the most amazing person I have _ever_ met, You have the Prettiest eyes I've ever _seen,_ you have the most golden, amazing hair on this fucking _planet,_ You have this nerdy charm that makes me  _melt,_ I feel like _myself_ when I'm around you, like it's okay to just be _me,_ And it's _Bullshit_ 'cause I _know_ you don't feel the same way in the slightest, but feelings like this, they don't just _g_ _o away,_ Peridot!" 

Lapis stood up and gripped Peridot by the shoulders. "Do you hear me, Peridot?! _I'm in love with you!_ " 

Peridot stared into the begging, desperate hazel, Carmel eyes of Lapis Lazuli and made a decision right there and then. 

Peridot's Desperate lips came crashing down onto Lapis', and they ended up with Lapis picking up the short blonde and pinning her against the wall, and in that moment, Both girls felt the same rush of emotion as they had felt when they had both spilled the secrets of their pasts to eachother. _They weren't alone._

Lapis laughed into the kiss and pulled away, marveling at the stars in Peridots eyes. 

Peridot was breathless, speechless, and dazed. She was seeing stars. Peridot could only let out a weak "Again." Before they fell onto the bed in a blur of passion and arousal. 

Lapis pinned Peridot's arms above her head and deepened the kiss, and _fuck_ she tasted like brown sugar and snow.

She tugged Peridots shirt off to reveal her bra, and she began to kiss along the scar that danced across The blonde's chest.

 _"This,"_ Lapis breathed over Peridots chest, " _Is a fucking battle scar, and you better wear it like one."_

Peridot could only whimper in response, her breath becoming raggedy and sporadic.

"Are we rushing into this?" Lapis got out, her eyes searching Peridots for confirmation to go further. 

 _"We're rushing into this."_ Peridot breathed, giving her the green light.

The bluenette planted her lips on the scar, kissing along it, let her lips wander to the spot between Peridot's neck and jawline, and if she hadn't been seeing stars before, _oh my god was Peridot was seeing them now._


	14. Back to the crystal gems

Peridot woke up to white light streaming in from the windows. Instantly remembering all that had happened last night, she reached for Lapis on the other side of the bed, but she wasn't there. 

 _"Great."_ Peridot muttered out loud. "It was a dream." 

She sat up and put her mint green t-shirt on over her head.

"Oh, hell no it wasn't." Came a voice from the edge of the bed. 

Peridot looked at where the voice was coming from and sure enough, there was Lapis, wearing Peridot's favorite green flannel and her own overalls, though both straps hung below her waist. Her hazel eyes had a glint of the snow outside in them, and her blue hair was frizzy and sprung out in all directions. 

"Oh my _stars!_ " Peridot laughed. "That's my shirt you're wearing!" 

"I could prove that it was real... If you wanted me to..." Lapis suggested lowly and seductively, walking over to Peridot and running her fingers through her golden hair. 

"Lapis..." The shorter of the two stuttered. "We have to get to school..." 

Lapis groaned dramatically. "Alright... You should go get changed, you're a mess." She laughed. 

Peridot blushed and got out of bed, and grabbed some clothes from her closet. (Her favorite green sweater, baggy dark blue jeans and a black beanie)

She shuffled into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She nearly fainted on sight. 

In the space between her collarbone and her neck, lay a purple hickey. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh my god, Peridot, you bruise like a _peach!_ " Lapis laughed. 

"It's not funny! How can I go to school like this?!" Peridot shouted, although she was laughing herself. She knew she could Put a scarf over it. 

The two walked into school and hugged eachother goodbye, before giving eachother a look that _screamed_ "Fuck that!" And shared a passionate, lingering, deep kiss before parting their separate ways to their first period classes. The kiss felt so perfectly foreign yet familiar to the both.

Peridot found herself missing Lapis the whole time, and by the time lunch came around, Peridot was jittery to see her. 

They spotted eachother across the lunch room and speed walked towards eachother, Barreling into a hug. 

 _"I fucking missed you"_ Peridot breathed. 

"It's been three hours!" Lapis chuckled.

"Three hours too long." 

After school ended, they both met up at the front of the school and locked hands, strolling up to the Crystal Gems room. 

Lapis swung the door open with her free hand and led Peridot in, but she didn't really have a chance to process what was gong on before Steven had his Chubby little arms wrapped around the bluenette's waist. 

"You're okay!" He sighed in relief. "We were all worried sick!" 

Lapis Looked up to see every Crystal Gem grinning Warmly at her. 

Steven released his grip on Lapis and took a step back. suddenly there were stars in his eyes as he noticed Lapis and Peridots hands interlocked tightly. 

Amethyst launched herself off the table she was lounging on. "I called it! I frickin' called it, and guess who didn't listen to me!" The lavender haired girl held out a hand to padparacha. 

The short bookworm reluctantly handed her a $5 bill. 

"Wait, you guys were  _Betting_ on us getting together?" Peridot gasped.

"Well, not  _all_ of us." Mrs. Quartz laughed. "Just Amethyst and Para." 

"Was it that obvious?" Lapis asked.

Connie chimed in. "Are you _Kidding me?!_ Of course it was obvious! You guys have been dancing around the others feelings forever now! I'm just glad it's official, I could tell it was really stressing you guys out."  

Something about her tone was just the right amount of mocking and sincerity. This made both girls grin.

"Thanks, Connie." Peridot addressed.

 


	15. How To Be Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¡This chapter is completely filler and you do not have to read it to know what's going on later!

Peridot was walking alongside Garnet on the way to the Crystal gems room, the frozen snow crunching at their feet.

" _Garnet!_ " Peridot hissed. "Are you even allowed to say that?!"

"I'm just saying, that hickey on your neck is very telling." The counselor smirked in triumph at Peridots flustering. "But I'm very happy you two finally got together. You two look much happier now." 

Peridot blushed and dug her chin into her chest. "I guess I am too..." She started. "I spent so long trying to deal with my feelings, but now it feels like there's a _copious_ Amount of weight off my shoulders. I can finally just let them loose."

"I'm very glad you two are a couple. You look very happy." Garnet smiled. 

"I am! This feels like the glory days and it's only been three days!" 

Garnet let out a laugh at that.

The two walked into the room, Garnet going to talk to Rose and Pearl, And Peridot going over to where Lapis was Laying down on a table, Talking with Bismuth. 

"Hi Laz, hi Bismuth!" Peridot greeted. 

"Hey, tiny!" Bismuth ruffled the blondes hair. "That hickey on your neck is looking good!" 

 _"Stars..."_  Peridot groaned. "It's still there? It's been three days!" 

"Hey, don't worry, it'll be gone soon enough." Lapis chimed. "And in the meantime, it'll let people know you're _mine..._ " Lapis flicked a strand of Golden blonde hair onto Peridots nose. 

Peridot felt a flicker of arousal at Lapis' sudectiveness, and immediately gave Lapis a playful punch in the arm. 

Lapis laughed and let out a snort. "I wish you could see how cute you are when you're flustered, Peri." 

"Yeah, yeah, It's whatever..." Peridot found herself smiling, despite her attempts to quell Lapis' flirtyness. 

"You two done yet?" Bismuth grinned. "Rose is trynna' tell us something." 

Seemingly on queue, Rose stood up on a desk and spoke above the conversating teens. 

"Gems!" She started. "We have an announcement! The state LGBT+ Potluck is in two weeks, and now is the time to start planning your outfits!" She bolstered excitedly. "The school will be providing free buses to the rec center, which is where it's being hosted this year!" 

Pearl chimed in. "And please bring extra snacks for the ride there. We can't feed all of you, but the potluck can!" 

"Also! This doesn't have to be decided just yet, but by next week the organizers need a list of everyone who wants to preform a song, dance, or any form of art there! So if you want to preform, please put your name and what you are preforming on the sign up sheet here. No pressure." Rose added. 

After the Crystal Gems meeting was over, Lapis snuck away from Peridot for a couple seconds to put her name on the sign up sheet. And next to it: "Song: Distant shore, by Lapis Lazuli."

 

 


	16. Sweet and sour

Lapis waited anxiously by the Crystal Gems table, a plate of food in hand, watching the gems socialize with the other GSA's from different schools.

Amethyst was chatting excitedly with a bunch of her cousins on the other side of the auditorium, which she called the "Famethyst." 

Lapis was waiting for Peridot to get out of the bathroom and finish changing into her fancy clothes. She was figuratively  _dying_ to see what Peridot had on for a semi-formal event like this. 

She was also anxious because of the fact that there were over 300 people here, and she would be preforming in front of all of them. At least she wasn't first. that was Steven and Connie's wave to ride. They were preforming a song they wrote as a duet called,   _"_ _Jam with me."_

She waited another two minutes before she looked out into the crowd and saw Peridot. 

"Hey! Perido _ohhhh_..."

Peridot was wearing a black dress shirt and pants with a lime green bow tie and vest. Her hair was styled differently than usual, instead of spiked up, it was combed to the side. Lapis was in trouble. 

"W-wow! Peridot, you are looking _amazing!"_

Peridot was equally Star-struck, as Lapis was wearing a tight fitting, backless, deep blue dress that fluttered at her ankles, and her hair was swept to one side as well. 

"Uhm... I think you look amazing too." Peridot got out, her cheeks getting hotter and hotter. 

Lapis felt a rush of confidence at Peridots flustering and pushed her advantage. 

"Y'know, that bow tie would look even better on our motel room floor..." She leaned in, tugging at Peridots hair absently. 

"Gah, Lapis... not now..." Peridot found herself melting into Lapis' touch despite her own protests, and once she realized what she was doing, she pulled away from Lapis. 

"Trust me," The short blonde re-adjusted her glasses. "There's _plenty_ I want to do to you in that backless dress, laz, but we're infront of 300 plus people, so let's wait until we get back." 

Lapis conceded, and suddenly a voice came over the intercom. 

"Our first performance of the night is by Steven Universe and Connie Maheswaran of the Crystal Gems, Beach city Highschools GSA, Singing and playing a song they made called, 'Jam with me'!"

"Wooo! Go Connie! Go Steven!" Lapis cheered. 

The two shuffled onto the stage with a ukelele in Stevens hands and a violin in Connies. 

Steven took the mic from its stand and put it up to his face. 

"Hi everyone! I'm Steven, this is Connie! We actually made this song when we were sitting on a hill that looks over our neighborhood, it was really random when we made it, but we figured we would share it, so here goes!" 

_"The sun is bright, our shirts are clean, we're sitting up above the sea, Come on and share this jam with me..."_

_"Peach or plum or strawberry, any kind is fine, you see, come on and share this jam with me!"_

Once the two finished their song, soaked in their applause, and went back to their seats, there were a couple more performances, one of which Lapis and Peridot ended up slow dancing to, (because it's slow jazz, how can you not?) and then it was Lapis's turn. 

"Up next, we have Lapis Lazuli of the Crystal Gems! She is singing and playing a song she wrote called 'Distant shore!'"

She shuffled onto the small stage, the hole in her gut deepening with every step. The silence that fell over the room was deafening, and adrenaline was pumping through her. 

She picked up the mic with her free hand. "Hello! I'm Lapis, obviously, and I just wanted to dedicate this song to a special someone named Peridot Olivine. That stubborn nerd has changed my life, and helped me through some of the darkest days. So... this ones for you, Peri." She pointed to Peridot at the Crystal Gems table, and she could see Peridot's flustering in her cheeks from across the room. 

She strummed the first chord. 

 _"It all became so lovely..."_ She started. _"Those bluest skies, above me... Those funny feelings I had never felt before I met you..."_

Lapis felt herself gain more confidence with each note, the crowd in front of her becoming a driving factor in her confidence as opposed to making her feel anxious and small.

_"I thought I'd stay awhile... I tried to learn to smile... so many colors I had never even known..."_

_"Maybe I find myself sitting on that distant shore... maybe I'm not, a-lone..."_

She switched her fingers around the strings for the climax and strummed the intro chord. 

_"Then I see the colors fading... gentleness of light escaping... shadows of my fear invading! Have I seen this all before?"_

_"I know! That there's something residing... a terror deep inside me... I couldn't understand how, you could be so bold..."_

_"Maybe I find myself smiling on that distant shore..."_

She looked right at Peridot and grinned sheepishly.

_"Maybe I'm not... a- lone..."_

There were a few moments of silence after she strummed out the last chord, and then, deafening applause. 

Lapis stood up, adrenaline and dopamine coursing through her veins as she bowed, Hearing Peridot scream, _"Lapis, you dork, I love you too!"_

One clap in particular seemed to ring louder than the others, and when she looked at the source of it she would've froze if she didn't jump first. 

She made direct eye contact with a smirking Jasper. 

As she hurried off stage, her thoughts were a jumbled mess of, _"What is she doing here?! How is she here? Why is she here?!?"_

When she reached the table she spotted a puff of white hair coming toward her, and at the same time, there were a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. 

"Nonono! Peridot, please, I have to go!" She got out, attempting to unravel herself from the blonde's surprisingly tight grip. 

She untangled herself and speed walked towards the exit, and she got into the check in office when she spotted the blonde again. 

Peridot walked hurriedly alongside Lapis. "Lapis what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I don't know! She's here somehow..."

"Wait, you don't mean..."

"I thought I'd never catch up to ya!" Jasper grabbed Lapis' arm, pulling her to a stop with incredible force.

Lapis held back a scream. _"Jasperletgoofmerightnow!"_ She bit out.

"Leaving so soon? Come on, we haven't seen each other in years!"

"She said let go!" Peridot tried to get in-between the two. Lapis continued to pry her her arm away, but to no avail.

"Oh, this is priceless!" Jasper laughed. "Have you gotten weaker since you tried to _drown_ me, lazuli?!"

Jasper laughed. "And you..." She turned her eyes to Peridot. "...You're throwing yourself in front of the wrong person. She's the one you should be afraid of!"

"That's not true!" Lapis insisted.

"Don't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. And now you're with this punk? Look at you, you're pathetic now!"

"Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you!" Peridot shouted.

"This is between... _us!_ " Jasper shoved Peridot away, knocking her to the ground.

"Peridot!" Lapis got an extra burst of strength, eyesight suddenly white-hot with anger as she watched Peridot try to get up, and almost pulled away before Jasper somehow tightened her grip. Suddenly Jasper enclosed her hands around Lapis' right hand, and fell to her knees, looking up at Lapis.

"Let's be together again!" She pleaded.

Lapis was shocked. "Why... why would you _want_ that?!"

"I was wrong about relationships! About love! You made me understand! The two of us were bigger, and stronger than everyone when we were together! We could've become the queens of hawaii!"

"Lapis!" Peridot's voice came from the background. "Don't listen to her! you're the better person!"

"Stay out of this!" Jasper bellowed.

"I was terrible to you." Lapis' voice was slowly rising and becoming more frantic. "I _liked_ taking everything out on you! I _needed_ to! I-I _hated_ you, It was _bad_!"

"It'll be better this time! I've _changed_! You've _changed_ me!" Jasper was slowly backing Lapis into the wall. "I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power!"

Lapis' back hit the wall. She gasped and turned to look at Jasper.

_"Just say Yes."_

Lapis took a deep breath. Steadied herself.

"No!"

"What?!"

"What we had wasn't healthy! I _never_ want to feel like I felt with you! Never again! So just _go_!" She was now looking up at her former Partner defiantly, her fists balled up at her sides.

"Lapis...!" Jasper pleaded. 

Peridot was standing up now. "She said No, Jasper, leave her alone!"

Jasper swung around at moch-4. "This is your fault!" She bellowed. _"I'll kill you!"_ She charged towards The short blonde, but before she could reach her, Jasper was tackled by a flash of dark skin and puffy black hair. 

"Lapis, Peridot, get back to the gems table." Garnet's voice was commanding, but soothing, as she didn't seem phased by Jasper's struggle to untangle herself from the guidance counselor at all. _"We'll handle this noise."_ And then she Smirked. _She fucking smirked._

And for some odd reason, that sent a wave of relief through Lapis, and she cast one last glance to Jasper's angry, pleading eyes before taking Peridot's hand and walking back into the the main auditorium. 

Once she got to the table, she felt the adrenaline exit out of her like a soul, and was replaced by a crushing wave of exhaustion. She collapsed into her chair and put her head down in her arms. 

"Yo, what was that all about?" Amethyst asked hesitantly. 

Lapis groaned. "A crazy ex." 

" _Yeesh_... Sorry, that must've totally spoiled how happy you were once you finished your song." 

Lapis mumbled into her arm in agreement. 

"It was an amazing performance though!" Peridot consoled. "I don't think I could be any more proud of you, Laz. Thanks for writing that for me. it had me tearing up over here." She grinned sheepishly, red hot blush seeping through her cheeks. 

"Can I have a kiss?" Lapis pleaded. 

"Of course." Peridot leaned in. Their lips met in a comforting kiss, and Lapis felt all the anxiety float out of her, replaced by just- Peridot.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record- I'm totally behind a Jasper redemption in the canon show, but I don't want Lapis and Jasper getting back together.


	17. Part of me

"Alright, now that we're back in our room until tomorrow morning, I have something to get off my chest." Peridot closed the motel room door and lightly shoved Lapis onto the bed in the center of the back wall. 

"Fuck you, you are the most frustrating girlfriend of all time!" Peridot threw her hands in the air.

Lapis instantly knew where Peridot was going with this. "And why's that?" She questioned smugly. 

"You've been indirectly  _teasing_ me in that dress the _entire night,_ and its starting to get on my nerves!"

"...Come do something about it then, _nerd_..." 

"Maybe I just _will!"_ Peridot lunged on top of the bluenette.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lapis was now sitting on the bus back to school, soaking in the beautiful sight of a sleeping Peridot splayed across her lap, hickeys _just_ peeking out of her green shirt collar, Blonde hair a wavy mess and glasses tilted to one side. Lapis didn't really have room to talk, as her collarbone was pretty much covered.

The bluenette checked her email, and other than a few Pinterest updates and school reminders, one stood out.

**_From: Mrs. Blue Diamond_ **

**_Subject: Swimming tryouts_ **

**_Cc: Beach city Highschool_ **

 

**_Hello Lapis,_ **

**_It has come to my attention that at your previous school in Hawaii, you were a very prominent leader on your swimming team, winning multiple district medals and athlete of the month at Brighton high school in Honolulu._ **

**_Swimming season is starting in two weeks time, and tryouts are next week! A swimmer of your caliber would be a spectacular addition to our team._ **

**_There is no pressure for you to show up, but The staff of BCHS's swim team and I would love to see you there next week on Friday at 4:45._ **

**_Best regards, Blue diamond._ **

 

Lapis knew she couldn't swim. She had to turn down the offer. But _stars,_ did she miss swimming. She missed getting lost in swimming laps for hours, until her fingers became chappy. 

She missed racing others, the exhilaration of beating someone by a second or two. 

Lapis brang this up at the barn (A small shack on top of a hill that overlooked the whole neighborhood, that Peridot and Lapis had personalized with green and blue lights, a couch, and a small stone fireplace.) that night. 

"Well, if you miss swimming so much, I think you should take up her offer!" Peridot suggested.

"But I can't _swim!_ What if I freak out under the water like I did last time? I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Maybe..." Peridot stopped and pondered, letting Lapis melt into her shoulder. 

Peridot had had this idea in mind since the pool incident, but she never thought it could ever happen until now. 

"...I could help you get back in the water safely? Like, you know, without having a flashback?" 

Lapis chuckled. "Peridot, I love you, and I'm glad you want to help but... I can't get back in the water. It's just too much." 

"Well, Lapis-" Peridot adjusted her arm so she was running her hands through the bluenettes hair in a soothing pattern. "Do you remember what I said that one night? About _needing_ to talk about Jasper? And remember how much that helped? Maybe this is a similar situation. Of course you're not going back in the water if you don't try! You can start with baby steps! We could go in through the stairs, and if you get too freaked out by the time the water gets up to your waist, we can stop and take a breather." 

Lapis was left to ponder this in Peridots arms. 

"I can't begin to fathom what you went through with Jasper... But I know you want this, laz. You don't want to never get back in the water again, you just... You're scared of yourself. Of hurting someone." 

"I am." Lapis admitted. ”I'm terrified of it, actually. I couldn't bare the thought that I hurt you when I freaked out under the water. I don't want that to happen again." 

"Lapis... you don't need to worry about me! Don't sacrifice your passion because of a tiny risk-" 

 _ **"Its not tiny!"**_ Lapis untangled herself and stood up abruptly.

"You just don't _get it_ Peridot! _Just let me do this for you!_ I'm _not_ hurting you again!" 

Peridot stared up at Lapis in shock. 

"Ohmystars...!" Lapis gasped and put a hand over her mouth. "I'm so sorry! I snapped, I snapped, I'm sorry..." Lapis collapsed into Peridot and wrapped her up in a hug. 

"It's alright..." Peridot consoled, rubbing circles in her back. 

The two went back to their earlier position, Lapis spread out over Peridot and The blonde running her fingers through Lapis' hair with one hand and the other resting on her back.

"And hey, Laz," Peridot started. "Look how much progress you've made since we met. You've opened up about your past to someone, you're realizing it's not all your fault, _hell,_ when Jasper asked to get back together, you said no! _To her face!_  With a reason behind the answer! It doesn't matter how much anyone has helped you, it was still you that did all these things at the end of the day! Honestly, I'm so proud of you already, and if you can tell the person who abused you that what they were doing was wrong, you can dip your head under some water." 

"So, what-" Lapis smirked. "Finally getting back in the water will be like the final step? Of moving on from my past?" 

"That's exactly it!" Peridot jeered. "And then you can pass tryouts, get on the team, and be a star! You could go to the olympics!" 

Lapis laughed. "Okay. I'll try tomorrow." She readjusted herself to look at Peridot, who's emerald green eyes had stars shining right through them. 

"Wipe that stupid grin off your face and kiss me, Peri!" Lapis teased. 

Peridot wordlessly connected her lips with Lapis' in a passionate kiss, and they got lost easily in the others lips for hours, until they both had to go back home and crawl under their covers. 

 

 


	18. A helping hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Visualize Lapis' parents however you want, go wild!

"Hey mom, dad?" Lapis walked into the living room, holding onto her arms as a nervous tick. "So, Remember Jasper? From Hawaii?" 

"Of course we do Lapis." Her dad said, anger seeping through his carefully neutral voice. "She tried to drown you." 

Lapis never wanted to tell her parents what actually happened, and it wasn't something she felt she had to tell them anyway.

"Well, there's someone else who knows that now, and that's Peridot." 

There was a beat of confused silence.

"We're together now. I thought I should tell you that." 

Her mom finally spoke up. "I think it was obvious, hun." 

"Oh, no not this again..." Lapis chuckled. 

"Okay, I'll spare you of that conversation. I'm sure everyone has told you. But I am worried. She's not like Jasper, is she?" 

Lapis almost laughed at how opposite she was from Jasper. 

"No, mom, she's nothing like her. She's nice and sweet. And pretty. I could never say the same thing about Jasper."

Lapis' dad laughed. "Okay, Lapis. We trust you. Also, can I ask why your bathing suit is on under your shirt?" 

"Oh!" Lapis realized her shirt was tilted and the straps of her bathing suit were showing. "I'm trying swimming again! At the pool! Peridots gonna come with me, it's been awhile since Hawaii." 

"I'll say." Her mom laughed. "Are you trying out for the swim team here?" 

Lapis pondered. "I... I dunno yet. But I do want to start swimming again!" 

"Well, that's good honey. Go have fun." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Lapis gripped onto Peridots hand tightly. Her heart was beating out of her chest at the sight of the pool. 

Peridot gave Lapis' hand a reassuring squeeze and put her foot and her prosthetic on the first step into the pool. 

Lapis followed, the warm water soothing her a little bit. 

"Lapis." Peridot looked up at the bluenette. "Are you ready?" 

"Y-Yeah. Let's keep going." 

Lapis followed Peridot onto the next step, the water now to her shins. She clung to Peridots hand. 

Peridot led her to the next step, watching her face in the sides of her vision for any sign of panic. The water was now up to Lapis' lower thighs. 

They took a couple more steps deeper into the water, until the water was up to Lapis' waist. Peridot felt Lapis' hands start to tremble, and it got worse and worse until the water was up to Lapis' chest and she was shaking and hyperventilating. 

"Lapis, Lapis, you're okay." Peridot squeezed the bluenettes hand and put her free hand on her shoulder. 

"Ican'tdothisPeridot!" She said inbetween a quick breath. 

"Yes, you can laz. You're strong. Your soldiering through this right now!" 

"I have to get out Peri!" 

"Laz. Close your eyes. Breathe. Five seconds in, four seconds out." 

Lapis did as she was told for about two minutes, Peridot waiting patiently, letting Lapis grip her hand the whole time. 

Once Lapis regained control of her breathing, Peridot felt Lapis' grip on her hand loosen just a bit. 

"Are you ready to dive under?" Peridot looked up at Lapis' soft Carmel eyes, still filled with worry, but not as much panic as before. 

"No! I mean- Yes! I'll try!" 

"Okay, now laz, before you go under, I want you to remember: Jasper isn't here. She can't hurt you here, and she isn't hurting you under the water either. She's in some detention center on the other side of the state. No one is here to hurt you. I'm here to help, and I'll be right there when you come up from that water smiling." 

Lapis felt herself smile a bit at Peridots optimism, although the gaping hole in her stomach was not helping. 

"Alright. Ready?" Peridot asked. 

Lapis nodded quickly. 

"Okay. Three..." The blonde started. 

"...Two..." Lapis breathed, looking Peridot right in the eye. 

"...One!" They both said in unison, taking a deep breath in and diving under.

Peridot felt Lapis spasm in her hand, but it stopped when Peridot gave her hand a light squeeze, silently reminding Lapis that she was safe, and that she wasn't alone. 

Lapis breached the water with all types of euphoria and dopamine flooding her brain. She breathed out laughs and giggles while trying to catch her breath, but it was hard to when she just couldn't stop laughing. 

 _"I did it!!"_ Lapis shouted, throwing her arms in the air. "Peridot _look!_ I did it! I didn't panic! I'm swimming!" She dived back under, popping up on the other side of the large pool an amazing fifteen seconds later. 

 _"Woohoo!!"_ Lapis celebrated, her shouts echoing throughout the building. 

She swam back to Peridot and kissed her _hard._ "Peridot, I fucking love you so goddamn much, oh my stars! You're honestly changing my life so much, I don't know how I could ever repay-" 

Lapis was cut off by Peridot putting a finger over her mouth. 

"No sappy talk, no reminiscing. Just enjoy this moment. You can give me hickeys later." 

Both girls weren't sure how long they swam around for, but it definitely wasn't dark when they got here. 

They walked back to the "barn" and collapsed onto the couch, making out and getting lost in eachother until eventually, like they always did, Lapis' lips wandered to the spot between Peridots jaw line and neck, and by the time they were finished with eachother, they lay on the couch in a heap of love and dopamine. 

"Lapis?" Peridot turned her head towards the half-dressed hawiian, still panting. "...I love you." 

"I love you too, Peri." Lapis smiled at the blonde.

"No, like, for real. I'm in love with you. I'd propose if I wasn't only eighteen right now." She breathed.

"You wanna be un-officially married?" Lapis panted. "'Cuz I think I feel the same way." 

"Fuck yeah." Peridot kissed Lapis softly. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Step right up

Lapis heard a locker close next to her, and looked in the direction of the sound. 

"Oh! Hi, I'm Aquamarine! Or just Marie for short. You must be the one of heard so much about! Lapis Lazuli? Right?" 

"Uhm... That's me." Lapis responded, getting a little bit of space from the short black-haired girl that was a bit too close.

"I've Heard some great things about you! Apparently you were a very prestigious swimmer at your old school!" 

"I guess I was." Lapis said, stuffing her clothes into her locker and closing it. "I've gotta go shower before I get in." 

"You're awfully early to go warm up, _Lazuli._ I'm just beginning to change into my swim suit." 

Lapis flinched. "I uh- just want to show Mrs. Diamond I'm committed. And, don't call me Lazuli please." 

"Why not?" 

"That's not your story to know. Just...don't call me Lazuli." 

"Okay..." 

Lapis walked off, and out to the pool. She was greeted by Mrs. Blue Diamond. 

"Lapis! I'm so glad you could make it." 

The cooking teacher and swim coach had a graceful, caring edge to her that gave her sort of a motherly vibe. Her smile was always genuine, her eyes always watching over everyone she was around. Lapis appreciated this. 

"I'm uh- I'm glad I could too Mrs. Diamond." 

She laughed. "If you want to call me Blue, that's okay too." 

"Oh, okay, I'll use that from now on. It's a lot shorter." 

"Well, you are the first one out here fully changed, so if you want to hop in the pool and show me a lap, I'd be happy to see!" She gestured to the pool, taking out her stopwatch.

"Of course." Lapis made her way over to the stairs into the pool. 

She took deep breaths as she entered, memorizing the breathing pattern both Garnet and her girlfriend had given her. 

Once she was fully submerged, she gave blue diamond a thumbs up as a go ahead to start the timer, and then she dove under and took off. 

By the time she came up, Blue had a look of genuine shock and excitement on her face. 

"Lapis..." She started. "You just broke the school record on your _warm-up_..." 

"What was my time?" Lapis breathed, catching her breath. 

"27.3 seconds... That's three off from an _Olympic record_..." A huge grin was appearing on her face. "You're _in_. Consider the rest of the tryouts extra workouts." 

Lapis laughed and got out of the pool. "Thanks, Mrs. Di- _Agh!_ Blue!" 

Blue smiled and that was enough if an indication for Lapis to end the conversation. She walked over to the bleachers beside the pool and sat next to Peridot, who was studying something on her laptop. 

"Hey Peri." She layed her head on her shoulder. 

"Gah! Lapis! Your hair is all wet!" Peridot jerked back. 

Lapis laughed and let a snort come out. "Sorry, lemme just shake my hair out!" 

"No- not here!" 

Lapis shook her head and let water fly in all directions, most of it landing on Peridot. 

"Y'know, as much as I want to scream at you right now, you look awfully pretty in the school bathing suit, all soaking wet." 

Lapis blushed immediately. "Shut up! Just for that I'm giving you an extra hickey tonight!" 

Peridot kissed Lapis, Lapis melting into the kiss familiarly. 

"And hey, Peri." Lapis started. "Thanks for coming to the tryouts. I know you're probably bored as _hell_ up here." 

"Oh! no, I'm okay. Just studying. I wanted to be here to support you! its your first time swimming professionally since hawaii. it's a big moment for you." The blonde grinned sheepishly.

"You're too sappy for your own good..." Lapis said, leaning in for a kiss. Just as Peridot was about to reciprocate, they heard a whistle blow, and Blue's voice filled the building. 

_"It's time for tryouts! everyone please come down to the front."_

Lapis placed a quick peck on Peridots cheek and took off down the stairs.

As Lapis approached Blue, she noticed some of the other swimmers were lined up in front of Blue. Lapis filed into the line, standing next to Aquamarine and Sapphire.

"Hello, Lapis." She said gracefully. 

"Hey Sapphy." She responded, looking down at the girl. 

Sapphire laughed. "Only Ruby is allowed to call me that." 

Suddenly, Lapis felt an irritated tap on the arm opposite from Sapphire. 

 _"Excuse me?"_ Aquamarines english accent wasn't like the intriguing, smooth accent of Garnet. It was more like a snobby, high-pitched, know-it-all one. Lapis decided she didn't take too kindly to her.

"Is she your girlfriend?" She questioned, Gesturing to Peridot, hunched over her laptop in the bleachers.

"Yep!" Lapis boasted. "She's the best person I know." 

Aquamarine let out a sort of judgemental mumble and looked toward Blue Diamond. 

Tryouts began, Lapis breezing through every drill, getting jealous eyeballs from Aquamarine. Lapis was proud of that. 

Once tryouts were over, Blue announced that The swimmers who made it on the team would receive their official meet swimsuit and tracksuit tomorrow. 

As lapis walked out of the pool building with her hand interlocked with Peridots, she felt something she had not felt in a long time. 

Genuine confidence. In herself, in her swimming abilities, and in the future.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the epilogue! Ill make my final writers notes there!


	20. Epilogue

**_Two months later..._ **

 

Lapis' Swimsuit clung to her skin as the bluenette was suddenly hyper-aware of how tight the water cap on her head and her goggles were. 

She stood on the edge of the pool, the anticipation of the gun blast that signaled the start of the race reaching its breaking point. She was fully ready to jump in herself. 

There were the best swimmers from 4 other high schools about to dive in to the pool and race her for the final place in the state competition. 

Another agonizing 5 five seconds of baited breath and screeching silence later, the gun finally sounded, Lapis and the 4 others diving into the pool as fast as gravity could take them.

Lapis gunned it down the pool, knowing full-well how close the other swimmer in the lane next to her was to beating her. 

She used every last bit of strength she had and swam as fast as she could, darting towards the end of the pool. 

She felt her limbs start to give, but the adrenaline pumping through her veins edged her onward.

She touched the wall at last, coming up to catch her wild breath and looking at the scoreboard frantically. 

Julia Williams: 27.51 seconds

Lapis Lazuli: 26.90 seconds

She won.

The bluenette threw her hands up in jubilation, looking over at the bench of her teammates who were basically _Losing it._ Even Aquamarine was cheering. 

Once she got climbed her way out of the pool, she tried to drown out the excited shouts of 400+ people to fish out Peridot from the bench.

Peridot, over the past two months, had become an official assistant of Beach city high school's swim team. She helped bring towels and tracksuit to the swimmers, bring them water, and a granola bar or two during practices or swim meets. 

 _"Lapis!"_ Peridot jumped onto her girlfriend's back in jubilation. "We're going to state!" 

Peridot tore off her girlfriends goggles and swim cap, revealing her mop of blue hair and soft Carmel eyes as she kissed her passionately.

 _"Wooh_ _oo!"_ Lapis shouted once she pulled away, as Blue gave Lapis a happy pat on the shoulder. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot stared at the trophy case brandished in Lapis' room, now filled to the brim with medals and small trophies. 

"Only one missing from there is state." Lapis said cockily, Gazing at the case herself. 

Peridot turned to look at the bluenette, who looked deep in thought about something. 

"What's on your mind?" Peridot asked, hopping up on the bed next to her girlfriend. That was still a foriegn name for Lapis in Peridot's eyes.

"The state competition is in the same place the potluck was a couple of months back." Lapis said matter-of-factly. 

Peridot instantly caught on. "You want to go talk to Jasper in jail?" 

"Mmhm." Lapis mumbled. "After the competition." 

"Well, I'm not gonna stop you. Do you want me with you?" 

Lapis thought about it. "...No. Whatever I end up saying, I want it to be between me and her." 

"Okay. I get that." Peridot sighed, resting her head on The Hawiian's shoulder. "I'm thinking about doing something drastic too." 

"And what's that?" Lapis questioned. 

"Coming out to my Parents." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...Dad? Mom?" Peridot shuffled into the living room and plopped down on a smaller chair. 

"Hey, I've got something to tell you guys." 

"Well, what's up? Are your grades going down? They'd better not be, young woman." Her dad questioned. 

"No, dad. I have a Girlfriend now. It's Lapis." She stated. 

"I'm gay."

There were a couple moments of deafening silence before Peridots mom spoke. 

"Is she getting in the way of your studies?" 

"No." Peridot said bluntly. 

Her dad spoke next. "Well, even though we both disagree with your decision, we can't stop you. As long as you keep your grades crystal clear, go do whatever you want." 

Peridot wanted to tell them it wasn't a decision, that she had been like this her whole life, and only a couple months ago she realized it.

But she didn't want to push her luck. So she shrugged a thank you and went back up the stairs to her room. 

She phoned Lapis when she flopped down on her bed. 

"Hey peri! How'd it go?" She asked immediately once she got to the phone. 

"Well, it was an uneventfully short conversation... They said that they don't agree with my _'decision'_ But that as long as my grades are up, they couldn't do anything about it." 

"...Well that's good. At least we can still see eachother." 

"Yeah. I still feel like I wanted something more from that conversation though. Like an emotional breakthrough or something along those peramiters." 

"I know how you feel. When I finally told Aquamarine why she should stop calling me Lazuli, She just said 'oh.' And walked away." 

"Ouch." Peridot grimaced. 

"You're tellin' me..." 

"Oh, hey Laz, before I go, do you remember what time the bus leaves tomorrow?" Peridot added. 

"8:00..." Lapis groaned. 

"Good, I'll meet you there, don't forget." 

"Bye Peri. I love you a lot." 

"'Love you a lot too." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Peridot looked over at Lapis, who had a mix of jubilation and purpose in her eyes. No traces of worry, anxiety, or panic. She'd come a long way. 

The state championship medal was shining in the moonlit streets of surf city, brandished proudly on the Hawaiians neck, after winning it just hours earlier. 

"Hey." Peridot gave a small squeeze to the bluenette's hand. "Congrats." 

Lapis laughed. "Peri, I don't know if I can hear another person say 'congrats' today, or I'm gonna lose it." 

Peridot chuckled. "Alright. But you do deserve it. After everything. You're the strongest person I've ever met. I mean, come on, you're litterally about to go talk to _Jasper."_

"Hey, Peridot, let's not say her name like that anymore." 

"Like what?" 

"Like I should be afraid of her. I'm not. I'm done being afraid." 

 _"That's my girlfriend!"_ Peridot nudged Lapis in the arm excitedly, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride in the bluenette. Lapis smiled sheepishly.

Once the two got to the door of the visitors office, Peridot hugged Lapis goodbye. "You've got this, Laz." She muffled into her chest. Peridot then leaned against the wall and went on her phone to pass the time before Lapis was done talking to Jasper.

Lapis walked up to the cell, footsteps lonely and echoing in the empty stone halls.

She reached the cell she was looking for and let her eyes wander to her. She kept looking down.

"Jasper." Lapis got her attention, plain, hard voice echoing eerily.

Jasper slowly looked up.

"What do _you_ want _Lazuli?"_ She sneered.

"I came to talk to you. One last time." Lapis answered simply.

Jasper was sitting on her bed in an empty, plain grey jail cell. Lapis was about to feel sorry for her before she remembered why she was here.

"It took me four years to move on. From what you did. From what I did." Lapis started. "I used to think it was all my fault, that I took out my anger on you because of my self. But I know that's not true now. Back in Honolulu, you had a talent for bringing out the worst in people. Especially me. Of course, I did bad things to you, regardless of how you made me feel. But my point still stands." 

Jasper opened her mouth to speak, but Lapis shushed her former partner. "I'm not done talking." 

"I'm not afraid of you anymore. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I came here to get an apology out of you. So I can move on fully." 

Lapis stood infront of the cell patiently, waiting for Jasper's response. 

"... I'm not apologizing." She stated simply. "Why do _you_ get to move on when _I_ can't? I was fine before any of this happened. But, you. You changed _Everything!"_ She suddenly shouted. 

"I finally see how _weak_ and _horrible_ I am! I'm _worthless! Alone! Depressed!_ And now, without you... I... I..." She stuttered. 

 ** _"How am I supposed be alright again?!"_** She boomed, tears welling in her eyes.

"You did this to me... Now help me, Lapis..." 

There were a few moments of deafening silence as Jasper dropped to her knees. 

"My girlfriend... Peridot... She helped me through everything. Changed my state of mind, how I thought about things..." Lapis began, kneeling down to Jasper's eye level. "She brought out the best in me. Hopefully you can find a person like that when you get out of here. I believe you can change. But I'm not that person. I can't help you. But you can. It all starts with your motivation to change."

Lapis got up and started to walk the other direction.

"And for what it's worth..." She started, "...I'm sorry I tried to drown you. But now it's time to move on." 

Lapis walked away.

"...Good luck, Jasper." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Peridot and Lapis sat in the barn, streaks of light filtering in through the tiny gaps in the wall. 

"I hate spring." Peridot said flatly. 

Lapis burst into a chuckle-fit. "That was so random, Why?!"

"I'm allergic and I hate bugs. And the sun." 

"Oh, no don't tell me you're one of those people who hate the sun and love it when it's all drabby and cloudy!" Lapis nudged her girlfriend in the arm.

"Don't tell me you're one of those people who just _loves_ this nice, bright, hot weather!" 

"I _refuse_ to get in an argument about this!" Lapis laughed. "The sun is great! I missed it so much!"

"Well, I hope it goes away, _asap._ " 

A couple minutes passed of silent snuggling before Peridot spoke again. 

"Hey, Lapis, do you remember when we were high off our asses and you kissed me?"

"Oh, _stars..._ " Lapis laughed. "Yeah. What about it?" 

"Well, I was thinking. I got _really_ freaked out over that. It was a big deal! The person I'm in love with _kissed_ me! But let's say I kissed you right now-" 

She placed her Lips on the bluenette's. 

"-And we're gonna carry on this conversation like nothing even happened! It's really wierd to me how _kissing_ someone you love can be such a normal act." 

Lapis blushed. "You overthink things, Peri. Just enjoy it! Plus..." The Hawaiians voice dropped to a seductive tone. "I know you just _love_ kissing me." 

"Gah! Lapis, it's the middle of the day!" Peridot laughed, although her body was still melting into The bluenettes warm touch.

"And to think we used to dance around eachothers feeling because we were scared of them..." She giggled as she placed her lips on The blonde nerds neck.

She kissed her neck until Peridot began to squirm under Lapis.

Lapis looked up, admiring her work.

" _God,_ You're cute when your flustered..." 

"I am _not_ cute!!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (All credit for the Lapis and Jasper scene goes to the comic "Ruined")
> 
> Okay, I know it's not the best fanfic you've ever read, but hey at least I tried.  
> It's honestly gonna feel weird not writing this anymore. It's been such a normal, consistent thing in my life for a month in a half now. 
> 
> But all good things must come to an end, as they all say. 
> 
> My goal with this fanfic was to tell a story of uncertainty, fear, glory, acceptance, and recovery. It's up to you wether I did I good job of that or not.
> 
> Special thanks to KingRiles and immorata_universe for letting me use their fic as inspiration! And another special thanks to Natdribbles for making art of my story and helping me gain inspiration to write! 
> 
> Lapidot 4 life!
> 
> -Jax


End file.
